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Boy do I have a headache 

Man today was ROUGH! Our nerves were on edge...but amazingly enough it was all over pretty much nothing.

We worried about the kids testifying, about the outcome, if my bf would be jailed over having his kids around me...well

We show up to court and of course she was there. His lawyer soon arrived and then hers. For some reason she had his former employer there. That was a strange one. He left there on good terms and they didn't testify so go figure. She did have their 13 year old "hidden " in the old court house to testify but he didn't have to.

He had filed show cause because she wouldn't let him see the kids on her whim. She had filed a counter suit that he had the kids overnight with me.

He had filed for his child support to be reevaluated. She had filed a counter suit that he was not covering the kids with insurance.

WELLL...his show cause was thrown out because she has visitation at her discretion , can you believe it? She has the right to tell him he can't see the kids because he didn't roll down his window and talk to her and because he has a pic of their daughter that belongs to her. 

Her no insurance claim was thrown out because he DOES have insurance for the kids. He legally doesn't have to cover them anyway if his employer doesn't offer it. They griped because the deductible was too high and wanted me to offer him a better family policy( I am a small company and can't ) so she was told to look for a policy of her own. She is employed with a large company and should be able to get a good rate.

All that was left was her show cause for him about having the kids around me so he had nothing to bargain with. So they made a deal to drop everything else if he covered $850 of her $2000 lawyer and court fees. We agreed to it so nothing has changed.

His lawyer recomends appealing but having some type of witness that the kids have talked to and told what they want in the court room. He told my bf that if it is going to be changed the kids have to want it. So now we move to the next step. Will the kids do it or will they be too afraid of her and the consequences? If they won't there is no use to go forward. He is going to talk to them this evening. Believe it or not after today she actually let him .

If they don't we will be stuck in this forever catering to this woman who if you blink at her wrong he can't see his kids. They won't ever be around me. This is crazy!!! I cannot imagine a judge allowing ANY person to allow visitation when they want to with no regular schedule. Being able to control their ex's EVERY move with the kids. What a joke!!!

by mtnvly  786 Posts 
Posted on 7/10/2008 7:00 PM
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Comments for "Boy do I have a headache"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
No spaz he did not have an attorney either time he faced her in court previous to me. He wanted out. I really think he thought that she might be fair( when hell freezes over) and it was downhill from there. I don't even know if he read the things he was signing. Yes, he signed over his soul. I am reevaluating. I have not told him yet but am going to . I cannot keep this up. I love him but to have her involved (so to speak) in my family cannot keep happening. We cannot plan anything because of her and they way she is. If it stays the way it is after the next round , or I see that it is not going to change I may have to end it. It is not fair to me or my kids to keep having to cater to her. As per the judge even if I would marry him it would not change. She has it that way for a reason. Can't you imagine being married to someone and not being able to be around their kids EVER????We would have to get custody of them and the way the courts work, they will be grown before it would get settled. So marriage for that reason...nope. Not gonna do that. I might marry him but not for that reason.Probably wouldn't work anyway. I have told all of his kids they are welcome here ...anytime. They know that. I would not even have a problem if they want to live with us. No problem. They kids are afraid of her. She makes their life a living hell if they do not do as she says. Just like it was when he was married to her. That is why they are now divorced. She screams at them , does not allow them to do a lot of stuff. So really, if my bf is not allowed his visitation the poor kids get no break from her but at school. They are afraid of how it will be if they do it. They boys have stated over and over how they want to leave but DON"T want to leave their sister. As I told you in my recent email...his middle son and she got into a battle and he won. I think he needs to keep standing up to her. She is so consumed with punishing my bf that she cannot see she is losing her kids.
by mtnvly   786 Posts
Posted on 7/13/2008 9:12 PM
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It is amazing, and luckily not as much the norm anymore....but, in your case there are two reasons.

1) you are in front of an uber conservative judge
2) your bf had no clue what he was signing when all was final

I think he suffered from what many do, and obviously live to regret later, is the I just want this over with syndrome - where they just say "ENOUGH give me the paper I'll sign it!" Only later to realize they just sold their soul for court costs. (I can't remember if you told me, did he even HAVE an attorney the first time around? Doesn't seem like it)

The kids don't have to be afraid of their mother, she doesn't even have to know they go to see a professional counselor (make sure they have court experience) if you do it on his time. Even if they don't want to rock the apple cart when it comes to custody/visitation, they still need a neutral 3rd party to talk to.

I don't know mtnvly, if I were you at this point I'd be re-evaluating the relationship. If the appeal doesn't happen, or does not have the outcome you guys hope for - can you live this life indefinitely? Will the stress of it affect YOUR kids (even more than it already does?)

 

Would you be willing to marry him to make her argument about you being around the children disqualified?  Or does the pendulum swing the other direction in your head? Or does your head hurt too much just yet to even think about it?
by spaznskitz   2500 Posts
Posted on 7/11/2008 5:12 AM
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