As the light at the end of the tunnel grows brighter, I am amazed at how much I’ve changed since filing for divorce. When I first separated from Mr. Ex, plans were already in the works for the divorce party of the century. It was going to be similar to a bachelorette party, only instead of celebrating my last night as a single woman, I intended to mark the beginning of many nights as a swinging single. Consider it a “coming out” party of sorts, if you will.

The plans cooked up by my closest friends and me were grand indeed. They involved sexy outfits, innumerable ice-cold martinis (raspberry-lemon for them; a good ol’ Stockholm for me), and a night of kissing many boys and making them cry. The location was fluid: Maybe Vegas, maybe Hawaii, even Virginia Beach, Atlantic City and San Francisco made the list.

But then plans changed. Actually, I changed. Once I set the wheels in motion to make my separation more final, I retreated to a place of self-contemplation. I spent more time exploring and strengthening my faith. I decided that though a night of drunken debauchery sounded fun, it wasn’t in line with the new life I was creating for myself.

Then I contemplated a “new beginnings” party. The martinis were still in the plan but instead of drunken debauchery, I envisioned a dinner party that included those who were integral in my new life. My church family would be included, as would my best friends and colleagues, but the focus would be on the food and the future. I had planned to thank everyone for their role in helping me land on my feet, for their support and their unconditional love. It was to be a sweet, positive event, highlighted by a few remarks from everyone in attendance. It was then that I would announce my intention to begin dating, to look for my life partner and an attempt to live happily ever after.

Then I met Drama Geek, and a wrench was thrown into my grand plan yet again. Now that I’m part of a committed couple, being legally single has a much different meaning for me. Though my divorce still represents a new beginning, it’s not a debut into the social scene. It’s actually become much more personal to me.

In 16 days, I will be free. Free from a marriage that should have ended long before it ever began, free from financial/social responsibility of Mr. Ex, free from the negativity that drug me down for so many years. I will then be truly free. Free to love Drama Geek with all of my heart and to be loud and proud about that love.

So in lieu of the big fancy parties I thought I wanted to mark the occasion, I think instead, I will settle for a quiet evening with the man I love. And rather than focus on my future, I think we’ll focus on the future we’re building together.