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caving in 

i keep thinking i am coming to a decision, and it is always the decision to end the relatioship, but i keep falling back into these horrible feelings of depression and loneliness and guilt and just ache to be near my husband again. we have never really been happy together, but i feel so alone right now that i am almost desperate enough to fake it for a little while until i am more capable of dealing with this decision. it is horrible, but it is what i have done once already, and i know that is what would be easiest for me to do. i want to be a good person and do the right thing... still i miss him so bad even though we have only been apart for three days now. i feel dizzy and weak. all i want is for him to hold me again... and now i can't make up my mind again. i love him so much, but don't want to be with him. all my reasons are fuzzy now... my heart is telling me that i need him and can't live without him. i feel like i am going to die...
by erin_is_me  17 Posts 

Posted on 7/9/2008 5:42 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "caving in"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
actually that isn't silly and selfish - that is careful and cautious - the way someone should be about their finances - which is all the more reason I have a good feeling you are going to be just fine...actually better off - on your own.

He looks at a bank account and sees what you have - you look at it, and see what you don't -

make sure you have enough for YOU to get by, you are not under any obligation to make sure he has money for his "wants". - take care of the basics - and if he has lint in his pocket - that is his problem.
by spaznskitz   4012 Posts
Posted on 7/9/2008 6:37 PM
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thank you spaz for the comment... i do understand that. it is just so hard... i am so tired of all this and so impatient. the longer i wait i know i am going to pay for it financially because of his unemployment. that sounds silly and selfish but it is really stressful and i feel panicked... i just found out that a check cleared today that i send out last month that i thought already went through, and now if our rent check clears we will have almost nothing for both of us to get by on until i get paid again... my first reaction was to tell him to cancel the check and give a 30 day notice  - hell, this relationship is practically over anyway! it's all just a big f-ing mess! might as well call it quits! but then i don't know if i am ready to do this... this is torturous!
by erin_is_me   17 Posts
Posted on 7/9/2008 5:57 PM
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HEY ERIN
HONEY IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE STILL MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR HUSBAND.  SO WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE?  WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU? I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 20 YEARS NOW AND I HAVE COME TO THE DECISION THAT I AM GOING TO LEAVE I JUST HAVE TO GET MY DUCKS IN A ROW AS MY COUNLSOR WOULD SAY.  I AM TIRED OF HIM TREATING ME AS THOUGH I AM A PIECE OF DIRT.  SO I AM GOING TO BE ON MY OWN BUT YOU DON'T SOUND READY AT ALL.  IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU LOVE HIM CAN'T YOU FIGURE SOMETHING OUT TO MAKE IT WORK??
TAKE CARE AND LET ME KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
DELI
by deli   23 Posts
Posted on 7/9/2008 5:50 PM
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