Although I now practice in a "no-fault" state, where the grounds are limited to irreconcilable differences and incurable insanity...I didn't always, and when I practiced in the other state(s), and participated in forums, informational boards & the like I was asked occasionally why I didn't pursue "emotional abuse" much when it came to the divorces I handled.

First and foremost, it is hard to prove, he said she said mostly - rarely are there witness with the exception of children and they shouldn't be put on a stand to be pitted against one of their parents.

Second, it tended to draw out a divorce longer than it would if the couple went the route of a no-fault divorce with a mandatory separation period. If the main goal is to extract yourself from the marriage - why prolong it trying to prove something that will have, in the long run, very little to offer in the area of financial gain anyway, if anything at all?

Third, is "spin". I hate spin, I hate to have to do it - but I will. Spin is when you get the accuser in deposition, or on the witness stand, and turn them into the bad guy...pretty much crumbling their case on emotional abuse. You see, your spouse might be the biggest jerk on the planet, but if you have ever, in your marriage, during a fight, called them names, raised your voice, threw anything, called someone they knew and talked about them behind their back, wrote an e-mail or sent a biting text message - a good attorney (ahem, me) will get it out of you, then proceed to spin, twist and contort it into it looking as if you were just as abusive emotionally as the accused is/was....and the session usually ends up with the person in total tears.

Reason I'm posting this is because those of you who are in emotionally abusive relationships - I realize once you found strength to leave the next thought is usually vindication - but think twice about trying to get it in court. If it took you as long as it did to gain the strength to leave your marriage, are you ready for the beat down in court you probably have coming to you by pushing for a "fault" option...if you have the choice to do otherwise?

Some states don't have a no-fault option, most do - but even the "fault" states can still be an irreconcilable breakdown of the marriage.

Point of the matter is this - when you do decide to divorce, consider all your options with a level head taking deep thought into what you can and can't handle. In a state that allows both fault and no fault, if you start out no-fault, then decide later to add grounds you can - you can't go the other way around though. So, if you think you can handle the emotional boxing match that comes with fault divorce, go for it -  If you ultimately just want to be out of the marriage to a jerk, then go the no-fault route and take heart in the best revenge - which is living well post divorce....even if you have to tough out a separation - it will still be better to be married and away from them than stuck in a hostile home.