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why am I having such a hard time excepting it's over 

Just had a big fight w/ husband. I know it's probly for the best but I just can't except that this is IT. we've been together for almost 17 years and now in just 1 week its done. He's says he cant live like this any longer but I was the one who had to put up with all his shit. I am no saint by any means but I dont like how he is putting all the blame on me . I dont know if I saw it coming and just denyed it. I have been unhappy for a long time but I just went with the flow trying not to rock the boat. He has such a bad temmper I never knew what kind of mood he would be in. when he was pissed he not only took it out on me but on the kids too. By yelling and cussing. Talking down to us all. I don't want my kids around that but I let it happen and when I would say something to him he would blow up even more. I did things wrong too. But he is letting me feel like it is all me for the reason he left. when I know it's him. I don't know if I am strong enough for all these emotions anymore. I don't want to be his door mat anymore but at the same time I've done it for so long I dont know how to stop. He has crushed my selfestem and I'm not ugly or anything but I feell ugly on the inside because of all the shit he says to me. How can he just decide in one week that were done! Not even willing to work on our issues. I't hurts so bad but it also pisses me off . we're supposed to get together to talk tomorrow and I am scared I will break down and make him beleive that I want him back when I know down deep that it' s not going to work. Do I even love him anymore or am I just holding on to the past when things were good? I know that it will take time but I want to let go I just can't. what even constitutes verbal abuse anyway? I want to stop blaming myself but I don't know how. I find myself digging for answers from him but he has none excep he just cant live like this anymore. I think  he just wants his freedom and no one to answer to . this just hurts. but right now i am numb.
by charleybear  56 Posts 

Posted on 7/7/2008 8:00 PM 		Get AlertsGet Alerts!
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Comments for "why am I having such a hard time excepting it's over"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
You have to get use to a place of change.  You are not willing to let go yet, and that is ok.  It takes time.  17 years is a long time.  It is VERY HARD to let go of someone you have cared for for so long.

Talk less right now.  It is better.  I know that it is hard.  Now is not the time to discuss too much.  Emotions really get in the way.  I know this first hand.

Are you sure this is really not what you want?  Sounds like you do not want the marriage either. (sigh)  

People will not make changes until they are truly forced to.  This I have learned.  You can not and will not change what ever your ex decides to do or not do.  It SUCKS because you may feel that they are not making good decisions.  Focus on yourself and the kids.  WE are hear to support you through this terrible time.  
by dyben   563 Posts
Posted on 7/8/2008 12:07 PM
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I ask myself, "Is he really worth my tears?".  If he is not willing to work on things or is not positive in anyway, you should start concentrating on yourself.  Worry about you and your kids.  Get therapy for yourself.  My husband gives me hope which strings me along and may end in disappointment. Sometimes I just want to scream, "WAKE UP A#$HOLE!".  I don't think they deserve us!  I know it is hard to think about but I am sure there is someone out there that will make you happier than your husband ever did.  A person who is willing to do things for you that no one else ever did.  You have to believe that.  Don't stay if you've been unhappy for such a long time.  Especially don't stay for the kids.  This will only make it worse in the end.  You are strong enough, you can and will be okay without him.  Stop digging for answers that you may never find.  Be strong, it can't rain forever!
by wow9cats   341 Posts
Posted on 7/8/2008 7:41 AM
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I know how you feel. In a very passive way my husband has make me feel like I'm not worth anything. I feel like if I do leave no one would want me anyway. I don't have any answers for you, but you have to think about what your children are learning.

That's one thing I think about everyday. What are my kids learning about marriage? I don't want my kids to think a loveless marriage is ok. Don't let them think verbal abuse is ok either.

 

Some men just weren't meant to be husbands. If only they had a sign on them so we could see that before you've invested your life in them!
by JaimeM   98 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 11:43 PM