Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?

Has anyone out there found out their spouse cheated (more than once) and gotten help and had a happy marriage where they could trust again and really thinks no more cheating occurred? Anyone? Is it possible? Or has anyone ever cheated and gotten help and never cheated again and lived in a happy marriage?

by rihana 12 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2008 10:17 PM

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Answers for "Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?" (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I dont believe in once a cheater always cheater. What I do believe is that once the cheater is caught they can change and want you to trust them but the lack of confidence in trust leads them astray again. Its basically a vicious cycle.

What needs to be done is a sit down conversation that goes something a little like, "I want to trust you but that doesnt happen over night, so dont expect it from me immediately." He needs to know that you are willing to work at it, but it isnt as easy as flipping a switch. Then he needs to reciprocate the feelings of I am sorry, i messed up it wont happen again and i want this to work i want you to trust me.

Then just pray that time is on your side. Its worth a shot....right? I think so.

by Sunshine23 9 Posts
Posted on 7/3/2008 8:53 PM

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One a cheater always a cheater and a liar. Cheaters always blame their spouse for their behavior and lie about what they have done. They CHOOSE to cheat, it is a decision they MAKE. So once they do it is gets easier each time. And there will be another time.

by Valmet 51 Posts
Posted on 7/3/2008 1:53 PM

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I think if the cheater is not willing to address the reason it was done it will happen again. They have to be willing to change . We can't do that for them. It takes work for them and if we are the one that was cheated on...it takes work for us.
It depends on the person, some just cannot/won't stop or even try to stop. The thrill of a new relationship excites them among other things.

by mtnvly 2291 Posts
Posted on 7/3/2008 6:45 AM

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I have never had a good experience with a cheater. If they cheat once it is usually because they are looking for something you can't give them; not that you are inadequate, it is their problem. I think that marriage is hard and if they have already cheated, when they get bored, they will do it again. They know the cost of cheating, they weighed in their mind what would happen if they cheated and they did it anyway.

by Crusinthrulife 8 Posts
Posted on 7/3/2008 6:01 AM

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I disagree with once a cheater always a cheater, but I don't have personal experience. I'm not a cheater, and MyUnwife never cheated on me. I do believe that people can change though, but only if they're willing. The problem with cheating is that even if they don't do it again, the scars left on trust will never go away.

by Robert-Boyd 3874 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2008 11:57 PM

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Rihana,
I think once a cheater always a cheater, my opinion. I think that once that vow is broken it's easy for then to do it again. We didn't go to counseling he wouldn't cooperate. You can try it, if he's willing he's the one with the problem. He's the one that needs to want to change his behavior.
Good luck.

by asim 773 Posts
Posted on 7/2/2008 11:35 PM

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Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?