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Cheating evidence. What is the point?

Hi. I have separated from my husband, because of many reasons, but I didnt think cheating could be one. I saw a recent posting where somebody asked if there is a way to track text messages. That msg made me think for a sec that maybe on top of all the things he did to me, he was also cheating on me....But even if he was, we are separated thinking about divorcing, what could I get from finding out that he was cheating?? I don't know much about the divorce law, but why so many people are so concern on having proof of cheating. If your spouse wants to leave you anyway, what difference would it make to have or not have cheating evidence? Please clarify this to me. Thanks
by bravy    6 Posts   
Posted on 6/28/2008 8:50 AM    
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Answers for "Cheating evidence. What is the point?"  (7) (You must be logged in to answer)
Cheating will change nothing in the divorce settlement so I would not bother for that reason.  My ex cheated on me with our son's daycare teacher and honestly the only thing I am glad of now is that I know the whole truth.  It took me a while to put everything together, but I know what happened and that he is still with her (we are divorced 3 months now).  Anyway the one thing is that it did give me some closure to know what went on.  It was hard to hear, but for myself personally I needed to know.  If you can move on without confirming anything than I say do that.  If you think he is cheating than you are probably right.  It is a sixth sense.  I never thought my ex was that type of person, but he was and when I first had thoughts about it it was just a feeling.....and I was right.
by JLK   285 Posts
Posted on 7/9/2008 1:17 PM
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I think they think that if they know for sure they will feel better.

The whole "AH HA!" I was RIGHT! Something they can throw in the face of their stbx to prove to themselves that the divorce wasn't their fault.

Vindication...

I tell any of my clients that suspect it not to bother, and the money they want to spend on a PI, spend it on some wholesome therapy instead.

by spaznskitz   2492 Posts
Posted on 6/29/2008 4:57 PM
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Thanks so much for your answers. Now I dont understand why people in this country ( I am not American obviously, but I am divorcing one) who are already hurt with the difficulties in their marriages focus so much in finding cheating evidence. It doesnt make any sense to me, especially if they dont have children. My opinion is that they should move on. I dont see the point in torturing yourself more. I am writting this, because somebody posted if there was anyway to see the text msgs from his/her spouse. And people where replying to this msg trying to play detectives. What for?
by bravy   6 Posts
Posted on 6/29/2008 7:20 AM
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Personally, I would only research the cheating angle if that is what is driving you apart.  If you have other problems that can't be solved and are heading towards divorce anyway, I'd say spare yourself some grief.  The worst thing in the world is to become a detective investigating your own family.  You typically won't like the results that you will find, and it will only cause additional heartache and grief - something that you don't need anymore of.

Good luck.
by HurtingDad   22 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2008 11:08 PM
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Sickntired is wrong - infidelity has nothing to do with custody unless the person cheating is literally having sex right in front of the child(ren). How crappy people are to each other in marriage has little to do with if they can be good parents or not.

Also, there are states that are "community property states" that still honor fault divorces.

 

What you can "get" really is up to what you have to begin with - or if the cheater makes significantly more money than the "injured" spouse.


I'm a family law attorney
by spaznskitz   2492 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2008 9:54 PM
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