"cyber sex" ? considered infidelity?

I'm a husband of 22 years, we have three beautiful children together ages 17, 8 and 6. My wife and I have gone through a lot together both good and bad. Lately we've developed a sort of appathy toward one another and she recently asked me for an uncontested divorce. I was shaked to my core and it openned my eyes to a lot of things. I noticed that anytime I walked into the room where she was on the computor, the page she was on would be closing. I never said anything about it but also noticed our laptop computer was nowhere to be found when she was away. She went out one day and I found it under our bed, turned it on and found her myspace page still open. I read comments from a guy she had been talking to for 2 -3 months and the comments where of a very personal nature. I confronted her about this and she admitted to falling in love with him and that they had only engaged in "cyber sex". I did a reverse search of the e-mail address only to find that he does indeed live 1600 miles away. My question is this, does "cyber sex" count as adultry or infidelity? I certainly feel cheated on even though no physical contact took place. Is an uncontested divorce the wisest choice or should I file claiming that she cheated on me? MY hope is to repair the relationship because I love her and can't imagen the affects of a divorce on our kids but I think I should prepare for the worst.PLEASE HELP

by sadinsycamore 2 Posts
Posted on 6/23/2008 9:47 PM

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Answers for ""cyber sex" ? considered infidelity?" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

Your wife and my StoopidEx should exchange e-mails. StoopidEx committed AT LEAST five cyber-affairs that I know about, and left me for the fifth one, whom he actually had a physical affair with. She lived in upstate NY, over 400 miles away. He was constantly going on "business trips" on weekends to go rendezvous with her. I was sick with spinal cancer and too caught up in my own illnesses to question the frequent disappearances until I came home from the doctor one afternoon to find he'd moved out and left me a "Dear Kimberly" letter. I changed my locks and pretty much fast-tracked an adultery-based divorce (one of the few get-out-of-marriage-free categories in Maryland) that was finalized two days after Christmas 2006. StoopidEx's lover had to appear at the Master's hearing as my witness for adultery (and was appropriately dubbed "Paramour" in the final hearing disposition).

Believe it or not, StoopidEx and ParamourEx got married in the summer of 2007. My friends literally e-mail-bombed her with "DON'T DO IT! HE'S A SERIAL ADULTERER! ASK HIS FIRST AND SECOND WIVES! WATCH HIS COMPUTER USAGE LIKE A HAWK--HE'S HAD AT LEAST FIVE CYBERAFFAIRS WE KNOW ABOUT!" (not under my directive, but I was proud of them for supporting me at that somewhat embarrassing moment). She was angry at me for sic'ing my friends on her. My response was measured and calm: "I did not direct them to mail you, though I don't disagree with their message. I don't hate you, either. I actually pity you. You're marrying a man who you know for a fact will cheat on his spouse, and has done it to two women now. I won't even pretend to understand how this time is different, but, hey, best of luck, and I seriously mean that."

Best of luck during this trying time.

by kimberlyknits 32 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 10:01 PM

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We are currently in counciling seperately and I've ask her to give marital counciling a try. Why did she do it? I have no one to blame but myself for that.

by sadinsycamore 2 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 8:23 PM

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legally speaking - cyber sex is not "cheating" it would fall under "alienation of affection" - it won't make a difference if you file fault or not.

I strongly suggest marriage counseling before seeking divorce.

I'm a family law attorney

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 12:50 PM

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I think it's cheating but something I can forgive, I think (humm) well the fact that no physical contact has taken place is a relief. Why do you think she did this? Is she willing to get help and work on your relationship?

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 6/23/2008 10:51 PM

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