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   Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

How Do I Get My Stbx to Understand

Yesterday was our tenth anniversary and my stbx got me flowers and made plans for us to go out to dinner and a movie.  After we got home, he wanted to have sex.  I tried to tell him that our marriage is over and I am not going to lead him on.  He won't understand.  He thinks that if we"really try", go to counseling, and give it time then we can save our marriage.
How do I get him to understand that it is over for me and that he could bring world peace and it would be too late to save our marriage??  We have already gone to counseling, tried other things, and given it a year.  How long am I supposed to hang around and let him break my heart everytime he lets me down again??
I guess he will get that I am serious when he gets served the request for a divorce from the marshall.  I hope that he doesn't freak out too much because of the children.
I just am having such a hard time.  Everytime I think about it, I want to curl up in a ball and cry.  I feel that I am doing the right thing, but he just makes me so crazy.
by marsham    16 Posts   
Posted on 6/21/2008 8:02 PM    
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Answers for "How Do I Get My Stbx to Understand"  (2) (You must be logged in to answer)
Don't lead him on like that, just because you feel guilty.  Sickntired is right.  You can't control how he is going to react, nor how he grieves for the marriage he is going to lose.  You can only control your own actions, and it seems like you're not standing firm.  He will be blindsided when he gets served, because you may be leading him on.  You should just be as honest with him as possible, stop trying to spare his feelings.  You really can't.  He will hurt.  And so will you.  But how each of you deals with it really isn't the other ones' business.  Do what you need to do, but don't lead him on. Be blunt with him.  Did you say you're still living together? Maybe you need to do something about that too.  Take Care
by elane   260 Posts
Posted on 6/21/2008 11:00 PM
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Uh, you went to dinner with him on your anniversary? You're leading him on. No wonder he still thinks there is a chance. You have to set strict boundaries now and stick to them. If he gets you a birthday present, you don't accept it. You say "thank you but I feel it is inappropriate given our situation." Once he understands, then you can start to be friends again hopefully.
by sickntired   90 Posts
Posted on 6/21/2008 10:52 PM
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