My wife has admitted to an affair with one of my close friends and told me 2 months ago it was over.  I've invited her to stay at home with me and kids while she works out some feelings, I love her deeply and want to forgive her.  She's searching her feelings for the true love for me that she says she's lost partly due to some communication challenges we have, and because she sees how effortless it is to enjoy being with "him". 

I found out this week the affair is still going on, so I told her that the only way she can stay at home is to end the relationship, for now at least.  If she wants to live at home on the couch or whatever she can't also be actively involved in an affair with another man that I know about.  Sound fair?

So she calls the guy last night on our home phone.  She tells him she's told me everything about their relationship and that it's over and hands me the phone.  I tell him that this shit is stopping right now, that up until now I've been a very nice guy (I've not said a word to his wife or any of their friends about this) but that if this continues the end of the niceness will soon follow.  He said a series of "yes sir" responses and I wished him a great day and hung up.

So my wife says she did the right thing by ending it.  Today she is understandibly depressed and sad, as am I.  I left it in her hands by drawing a line in the sand in saying she can stay here as long as she needs to get her feelings sorted out (stay with me in the marriage, or divorce) but she can't do that AND continue this affair while she's living here.

Does that sound reasonable?  I'm second guessing myself now because today she looks like she's in pure agony.  The kids are asking me what's wrong with mommy and I just tell them she's sad.  I suppose she's staying to avoid the awful consequences of her actions.  Any advice on what I should focus on besides the kids?