What are the Rules when you've been cheated on, not yet divorced when it comes to your sex life?

Alright.. here's my dilemna:
I very much enjoyed making love to my husband until it was no longer making love. That would be the point when he said he was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce. To add to this- I find out soon after that he cheated through some investigative work of my own.
Now, we are separated and waiting to get divorced for purely financial reasons. I definitely don't want to have sex with him(although the scumbag has tried several times). Do I wait until we're divorced to worry about my sexlife(I'm not talking dating people- I'm talking pure sexual needs!) or is it ok to fulfill those desires now? I could care less what he's doing for himself in that department, so does it matter what I do?

by running86 14 Posts
Posted on 6/20/2008 6:38 PM

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Answers for "What are the Rules when you've been cheated on, not yet divorced when it comes to your sex life?" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

I don't think it'd be "scummy" of you at all. It's your perogative. But, think about ALL the possible consequences...including the possibility of bringing innocent lives (i.e. pregnancy) into the mix.

by Youknowit 22 Posts
Posted on 7/8/2008 3:07 PM

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Check the law in your jurisdiction; in North Carolina, up until a while ago the rule was that sexual intercourse between separated spouses established "condonation," which operated as an affirmative defense to a charge of adultery. "Yes, Your Honor, I cheated on her but she forgave me." It's not that way anymore in our state, but it might be in yours.

As for sex with others, it's your business. Just be safe about it--there are some nasty diseases out there these days.

by UNCJD 21 Posts
Posted on 6/26/2008 3:17 PM

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Thanks guys! Great advice :)

by running86 14 Posts
Posted on 6/20/2008 10:55 PM

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I think the only rules are whatever you decide they are. If you're sure that you feel closure from that relationship, then I guess it's ok to move on if he has too. No, I wouldn't sleep with HIM again, if I were you, but just make sure you don't get yourself in an uncomfortable situation too soon. Take enough time to heal yourself. I know you've read my other (popular topic!) post, so there are LOTS of "things" you can do for yourself. I wouldn't consider having sex with just anyone "making love" anyway. That takes a special connection. You may find it empty with someone else so soon. Take care of yourself!

by elane 339 Posts
Posted on 6/20/2008 8:14 PM

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Dear running86: Unlest you want to put yourself in the same category as you placed him in "scumbag", just wait until a divorce is final. You will feel better about yourself and show him that you have more self control then he does.Do not let the bull he or your mind may try to place over you such as you can't get someone else or it's reserved only for him. Actually you've already exhibit power over him and if you can refrain from sex what power you will enjoy in having over your own body.And for kickers you will be able to have power over his mind as he thinks that you are getting sex and you will have a clear concious.

by Chaz 18 Posts
Posted on 6/20/2008 8:12 PM

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What are the Rules when you've been cheated on, not yet divorced when it comes to your sex life?

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What are the Rules when you've been cheated on, not yet divorced when it comes to your sex life?

help you budget and plan

definitions from "alimony" to "writ of execution"

divorce, custody and child support links by state

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