Confused

Well I've been logging on daily reading all these different stories and WOW I'm even more confused! I've been missing my husband. I realize that I didn't try everything, didn't do all I could. Everyone writes that they tried so hard, went to counseling, talked to their spouse. I just gave up, I didn't want to fight. I was always mad. He would come home happy, try to hug and kiss and I pushed him away always holding on to things forever. My husband is a hard working man, working on the house all the time. But he likes to drink and get High and I HATE that. Why do some men never out grow that? I see him as a LOSER even though he really isn't and because I don't like it he sneaked around and lied. He tried to go to rehab. but eventually went back to it and now had a bigger network of contacts. They encourage them to take each others numbers for support but that back fired. He met a women there and they became friends and later became his connection. She would text him to go "visit" or ask if he wanted to smoke. I think something happened but he denies it. We have had heated arguments and we both say mean things but was it really enough to move out?Especially when we didn't really try hard enough? Ten years, a house , a five year old? Help!

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 12:30 AM

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Answers for "Confused " (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks for your response to my e-mail-I will hang in there-it's nice to have support. I am being very carefull, my husband is only aggressive when he feels like he has lost control; when we are in a big argument. So I just don't get in big arguments with him right now, and I don't let our conversations in private get too serious. He is not living with us so that helps with controlling how serious the situation gets. Also, he is on suspended charges of assault against me so if he has any offensive contact with me in the next year he will be in big trouble-so I think that got his attention.

by cag 115 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 11:14 AM

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dyben, you are so right. The support and advise here has been so helpful! I'm doing so much better. I know that that environment is not good for my children. I have three two teens and a six year old son with him. My six year old loves his daddy so much and loves being with him. I have to let him visit. I no that any amount of drugs is bad but my husband is not that completely lost. He works hard, is becoming responsible with the bills (since I've been gone)
and is a good dad. What do you do? this part confuses me.

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 10:02 AM

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You need to think about your children and how his drug use is going to affect her. Are you willing to possibly lose her because of his actions. Be careful he may just drag you into his world and say you were a willing part of his drug use. I have seen it happen before.

Take your child and stay as far away as you can. A drug filled daddy is worse than no dad at all. You did the right thing. Never go back...you left for many reasons...remember them and you will find the strength to carry on. take care

by dyben 614 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 9:50 AM

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Hey! thanks for being my friend, hope things are going good for you. What support group did you join? I have been going to celebrate recovery and it has been helping me a lot.

by cag 115 Posts
Posted on 6/24/2008 9:42 AM

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You're both right. I don't know what I was thinking. We have been going through this for a very long time and he doesn't change because he doesn't think he has a problem. He needs help. I went to see a therapist today and he told me the same thing. I can't change him. The therapist also suggested a divorce and separation support group and i start next week. I'm actually excited about it. Thank you both.

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 6/14/2008 12:00 AM

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Oh, honey....you did the right thing. You must think of things this way....sometimes "comfort" overshadows "need." By that I mean, you may be missing the "comfort" of just having this individual around. Once you are back in it, you will find in time that you are back to square one and still bothered by the same things, then it will be harder to leave again.
You must also look at how the child sees all of this. He or she is smarter than you think and has taken everything in, maybe even things you didn't think they even knew about. It will eventually effect the child in the long run if you keep running back.
Trevor is right.....this guy has to help himself. You have done all you can do and you made the right call by letting him go. I suggest finding a good support group, maybe getting involved in a good church, and focus on your future as it sounds like you have a good one.
Stay strong and you did the right thing.
Grace

by gracelee1973 15 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 1:52 AM

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If he is not willing to stay off the drugs. You can't help him. He has to help himself. You have a child involved. Therefore you made a good call. If he is dealing (selling) drugs; think about the people he is allowing in your child's life. Stay strong till you know he is off the drugs. Then work on the marriage. Think about this do you want your child doing what daddy is doing?

by hulagirl 159 Posts
Posted on 6/13/2008 1:40 AM

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