What do I do with myself

Thank you for responding to my post, especially the man who wife cheated on him.  I think mostly my affairs were strickly to full fill a need I did not love either of the people I was invovled with, I hate to simplify it but it seemed almost like it was more the thrill of someone being attracted to me, the attention... I'm not saying my husband doesn't pay attention to me, but he is somewhat of a nonemotional guy, almost stoic...he doesn't show his emotions.  Me on the other hand I am the opposite.  So I get drawn to this energy of personality.  Neither of my affairs were with anyone I would consider someone I would have a long term relationship with, they had other major issues.  My husband on the other hand is a wonderful man, very intelligent, athletic, and a very hands on  loving father.   I went to therapy today and I'm supposed to make a list of what I want, I can't change my husband to all of a sudden be this overly passionate emotional person, it's who he is...I just need to get a handle on why I get into these temporary relationships.  I have been disrespectful and a selfish person, if he chooses not to try again after the second time, I will be crushed, but understanding.  Our daughter will be our no. priority.  Thanks for listening...to the cheater side.

You are very much like my wife. She had an affair 3 years ago and I found out about it. I let her go and prepared to move out but in just a few short weeks she could not stand the guy and wanted me to stay. She maintained that I was a great guy and she loved me but she liked being loved by 2 men. She even asked me for an open marriage when I first found out. I spent 2 years trying to get past that affair and figuring out what to do and then one day I felt suspicous of something and told her that we should seperate because I was tired of the doubt and distrust I had. That same week I found out she had annitiated a new affair with a married man she claimed after I had told her that I wanted to seperate. I am nearly certain that the affair had been going on for about 3 months prior. This time we did seperate and she fell for the guy hard. His family turned on him and so here we go trying again. I have since told her that I definetly want a divorce because I don't think I can get past the obstacle. I think she may be a serial cheater and I don't want to hang around and find out. I have asked her if she had the opportunity to cheat again would she. Obviously she would not be honest with me about that but maybe be honest with herself and let me go. It hurts her to hurt me I can tell, but why not just tell me that she needs her fredom and spare me the pain? i can certainly sympathize with your husband---just be open with him and tell him often what you are thinking. If she would open up to me and hang on to me like I want her to then maybe we could hold this thing together. Don't make him make all the decisions. Like me, he is probably very confused and isn't sure if hanging on is worthwhile. He needs that assurance from you, if indeed it is worthwhile. Only you know the answer to that.

Sounds like you are  on the right track. Even if it does end in divorce then at least you are tacking steps to find out why and to prevent it from happening. Maybe if your husband sees that you are trying to help yourself he will not pursue divorce. Admitting that you have an issue is the first step. Seeking help is the second...
Thank you for your honesty. Good luck and let us know how things are going!

i'm glad you are seeking therapy and know you can all work this out ....if you really want to.  it will take work and effort, but it's possible.  thank you so much for sharing your story, i really think your perspective would be helpful to many people here.  so many people want to understand the 'why' of cheating.  thank you for posting.