marriage counselor/specialized

Cag,
Birdy is absolutely right.  I  am sorry to tell you, but I really think you should be running towards the hills. These man have real mental issues most come from abusive childhoods and they learned that this is okay. No one thought them how to love and RESPECT a women, mistreatment is all they know and they think its okay. The abuse gets WORSE. You are not his cause and reason for violence, that therapist is a fricken  idiot. He's behavior is his fault. What are you gonna do? tip toe around the house and be at his beck n call to not upset him? what kind of life do you thing that will be? Do you want to spend years going to therapy every week, years working on his issues, and thats only assuming he is absolutely determined to get help!! What life will that be for your children??
I know you love him but love ain't enough. Love isn't suppose to hurt. You need to love yourself and you children more and get out and stay out. Even it he never puts a hand on you. His rage can be displayed by him screaming and punching holes  in walls and  throwing and breaking things and that is STILL abuse, emotional and mental.  Do you want your kids seeing that?

My stbx is a product of and abused childhood. the whole family was beat and terrorized by this man for years. The man who was suppose to take care of them and protect them. They are scarred for life and individual therapy  is what they need. I've been dealing with my husband's anger and rage for years. The worst thing is so have our children and  I pray and it scares me to think of what damage this has caused to them?
If he's out of the house, keep him out. You cant find a therapist that specializes in couples counseling for domestic violence because they don't exist.  A good therapist will be telling you to LEAVE.
I'm sorry this might not be what you want to hear but its what you NEED to hear. Your friend

I agree Your Therapist needs a therapist ! 
he needs his own Shrink  big time  First then Couple  Counseling. And let me tell you  6 months  NO way  is he going to change  his  spots !  NO way no how!
You are talking years and years  of him  first being taught by  whoever  he learned  the abuse from , Then all the  years  he thought  this is  a normal way of life, that  it is ok to verbal & physically  torment  the  people he loves.  "YOU CANNOT FIX THAT IN 6 MONTHS" I don't mean to yell  but  I do nt  want  read about you  yet another woman   hurt by someone who said they  are loved . Yes i know I should  talk. I am no longer trying to make it work. I am  just  now trying to  get  a few bills paid off he  created under my name  as well as  some  stash cash  in case I get nothing from the divorce  for in SC  we have to be separated  for a year  before  anything can be started anyway. ( a year after  I file for separation/ divorce) Be Carfule.!

thanx everybody for the advice; i have checked our local domestic violence shelter but it seems geared to individual counseling and not for couples who want to try and work it out; so will still search!! :-)

wow...that is horrible.  She was telling you how to not make him mad?????  Just know that no one...and I mean no one deserves abuse.  I dont care what you say or do....no one deserves that.  There is no excuse for any type of abuse.  I am shocked that a therapist would direct you in such a way....

Look to see if you have a Safe House. They have therapist that help with Domestic Violence. Good Luck. I have been in a support group for about 6 months it seems that it is extremely hard for an abuser to change.

You may find one on via the internet...have you tried your local abuse shelters? They may be able to direct you to an experienced counselor...

thnx mtnvly, yeah i thought that was pretty weird of the counselor too.  I am trying to find a diff. therapist for both of us but still trying to find one that specializes in domestic violence

I am not sure where to tell you to go but your therapist told you WHAT???That is a joke. Find a new one.. . I think we should not try  to provoke anger BUT sometimes just walking thru the house can do that to some people....
No advise to him on how to deal with his anger????