Thanks for your thoughts CutDeep.  I really appreciate them.  I do often wonder if my ex husband really regrets what happened in our marriage....does he really wish our family would have had a second chance or is he happy now to finally be out?  I often think about that.  I mean believe me it would not change anything because I could never trust him again and I have no feelings for him so I would never go back even if he thought he made a mistake.  I guess I just want to know if he ever thinks like that, but of course I would never ask.  Do you really think that happens to a lot of people who cheat and get out....that they really regret it?  Never once during our separation or his "thinking time" of 6 months while we were still married at the end did he say he wanted to try.  He always said too much damage had been done and his feelings had not changed.  Do you think he is truly happy now with his girlfriend?  I know it does not matter, but I guess I went through so much time not knowing a lot of the truth when he cheated so I am trying to understand every little bit now.  A part of me would probably take comfort in knowing that he thought he made a mistake, but that it was too late and I moved on too.

An affair is one sure way to take a person away mentally. I'm sorry for you. Amazing how the new person can in a flash become the most important thing to someone that belongs to you. That hurts, I know. His decision to divorce will bite him back, I guarantee that. He may be excited about his new love but his thoughts are filled with regret, denial and even some hurt. And what kind of relationship can come from an affair. Does anyone know of one that lasted? I had the affair during my 1st marriage, when i realized the damage it had caused it was too late. I also chose to divorce and married the mistress. I have matured a lot and now I would not even date a woman until i am divorced and found myself again. But look at where I am today. What goes around comes around. So much i have learned, mistakes I will not make twice. Try to look at it this way JLK. He made the decision for you, thats the hard part---you can take solice in the fact that you didn't quit the marriage. And trust me in this, making things work after the affair is extremely difficult, happiness is a fleeting emotion that is hard to hold onto when there is this big obstacle in your marriage. But, your new life will surely bring you happiness.

Thanks Cutdeep for your thoughts.  Actually my husband wanted the divorce so ultimately it was his decision to leave.  Even though he cheated on me I still wanted to make it work, but mentally he was already gone from our relationship.  Our kids are small and currently we split custody.  The kids are with him about 40% of the time and with me about 60% so it is pretty evenly split.  He is a great father (thank the Lord for that), but it is just difficult knowing that I will miss out on 1/2 of their lives growing up.  It is hard to hear about things that they did while in their father's care that I was not a part of.  I am sure in time things will get better once I start my own family again which I seem to be doing with my new boyfriend.  He is currently separated and getting a divorce so we have a lot in common.  He also has a son so some day I know we will have a "family" together once the dust settles in each of our past relationships.  I just wish that I did not have these good and bad days.  One day I am fine and the next I am analyzing everything that happened in the past and everything that will happen in the future.  I can't wait to get to a point where I can just live every day and be happy (and not think too much).  I guess a part of me has a lot of anger towards my ex for taking my children away from me for 1/2 of their lives.  I (and they) did not deserve that.  They are small and I know the current situation will be all that they remember, but it is still hard to deal with at times.

Hi JLK. My first marriage ended 9 years ago and my 2 boys are mid teens now. I had about a year of regret but it got easier with time. Your children will soon enough not remember your husband ever living with them. They will except this as normal (sadly) but that will help you greatly. If they are missing dad being home it will fade quickly. If you are the primary care giver they will eventually want to stay with him less often because they know where home is. Divorce did destroy your family but you should shake that regret because it was beyond your control. You did what you had to do to recover. I have been trying to live with my wifes affair for some time because of my kids and I am here to say that this is so toxic for me. I feel physically sick sometimes and snap myself out of depressed feelings often. I can't focus on my job---leaving will be so much easier than trying to forget.  I have to children 5 and 4 and god I dont want to raise 2 more children part time. At least I have learned from past mistakes. This time it will be different. I will definetly stay more involved and remain friends with her despite what she may do. I want that family unit that you talked about. But unfortunatley, my wife has took that control from me and left me with little choice. I wonder if she had been through a divorce with kids, would she have made these mistakes this go around. keep your chin up, your family unit is simply changing---it isn't dead.

Divorce truly is a destroyer of the family unit. I share the same thoughts, fears and concerns as you. Divorce is awful, throw children