If a Parent is Emotionally Hurtful, is Your Child Better Having No Contact?

Thanks for the words of support!

I agree that a counselor should be your first step - and let her pick the counselor SHE feels comfortable talking with. A relationship with a therapist is a very intimate one and she should have some say in who she talks to.  

I feel your pain - my ex is emotionally and verbally abusive too, which is in large part why I left him. Then he married a woman who is far worse than he ever was. I ended up reporting them to Child Protection but nothing could be done- the local authorities are so overwhelmed with horrible physical abuse cases that they don't have time to look at anything that can be labelled "differences in parenting styles."

Don't despair for your daughter, though. It's all a very long story but my daughter is doing very well. Her therapist has helped her to see that none of this trouble is her fault, and learn to defend herself appropriately. I wouldn't wish this scenario on any one else - it's been hell. But I really believe that it has helped my daughter learn to be stronger and more self-aware - and she is now aiming for a career as a child therapist herself.

As long as you are there for your daughter and be a sympathetic witness and a kind of 'reality check' for her, she'll be fine.

Thanks so much, I just wrote you a post under my journal. Good to know that other people have to deal with idiot ex's too! And I am going to talk to her about seeing a counselor, I want his idiocy to have as little impact on her as possible. Thanks for the advice and support!

Thanks so much, I just wrote you a post under my journal. Good to know that other people have to deal with idiot ex's too! And I am going to talk to her about seeing a counselor, I want his idiocy to have as little impact on her as possible. Thanks for the advice and support!

I have a friend here in VA that her boys do not want to spend time with their father. He is abusive, mentally and verbally and really has some issues.
She didn't make them go with him if they didn't want to. ( The boys are 11 and 14) The oldest is 17 and spends time as he wants to.
The dad took the mom to court because she would no make them go with him. They were ordered to attend a parenting for divorced parents class, the kids were appointed a lawyer and both parents had to see this lawyer.
He went first , then she did and she took the boys about a week later. I asked how it went , the youngest clamed up and the middle child sat and cried. But apparently the dad made such a bad impression on the lawyer that they are recommending limited visitation to the judge when they go back.
I would not push her to go. If she does not want to speak with him or vise versa, I would not push it.
Let it ride for a while. If he pushes to see her see what she wants to do. If he makes things difficult then I would take him to court on her behalf. Get more limited visitation. If you can prove abuse, then his visits with her may have to be made monitored. Maybe that is what you should push for anyway.
The best interest of the child. That is what we are to strive for. You have to look out for her mental well being.
Maybe as flagirl said, you should take her to a family counselor. That person could always be called to testify or they could send a recommendation to the judge on her behalf.
Good luck and keep us posted.

I thought about that and agree that it might be a good idea, too. In fact, if he lived here, I would suggest that they to together. My last few journal entries explain what has transpired between them. At this time it's a moot point as he is being incredibly immature and refusing to contact her.

I think, if you haven't considered it, you may want to have a counselor talk to your child. I do not know, based on your post, what your ex has done to alienate your child. But I do think it's important for a child to have contact with both parents, if that's possible. The bottom line here, however, is your child's emotional wellbeing. And a nuetral third party who wants to help your child and can help you figure out how to "deal" with the situation is a good place to start. In the end, it may help you both.