affidavits/husband furious w/my mother

In getting affidavits for temporary custody hearing, my mother did a letter/affidavit for me. In the letter, she stated some things that had happened over the years in my marriage that were of concern to her. Some were matters of money, some concenred tempers and a couple of occurrences...all true. She really had reservations about doing that but felt it was necessary because of battle over children. Evidently all of that was useless as the judge ruled temporary 50/50. Now my husband and his family are out for revenge..constantly bringing up what my mother wrote as lies and vindictive/playing dirty. They have confronted my father a couple of times. My mother is so upset, because she really does care about my husband and just feels terrible...worried that she has made things even worse. Is this a common occurrence? I really didn't know that they (husband) would read the letters. This had made things so, so bad and there is no fixing it. Is this the way it is???

by santafe 56 Posts
Posted on 5/27/2008 7:15 AM

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Tags: affidavits/letters/husband

Answers for "affidavits/husband furious w/my mother" (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

I don't feel very smart right now... I just want peacefulness for my children. I am staying with my children in my grandmother's home (she passed away recently)..neither of us staying in our house. He is between his mother's and his brother's...he said he was getting a place. i will believe it when I see it. I hate to see them disrupted so. My husband told me the other day he would give me what I wanted as far as custody and our divorce could be final in 90 days (rather than a year) if I would say that I committed adultery..which I did not...

by santafe 56 Posts
Posted on 5/27/2008 3:51 PM

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Your right. Wished I would have had hindsight many times in my life. If he is not willing to reason with you then it doesn't leave you many alternatives. I will never understand how hatred factors into decisions when it comes to children and it sounds like he might be up for using them as a pawn but trust me it will backfire on him so bad. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but sooner than he thinks.

Hatred begets hatred. He also has a lot of growing up to do especially if he is blowing money and then allowing your parents to bail you out and turning around and being spiteful and hateful when your mom comes to your defense.

Shame on him. Hopefully, soon he wakes up and smells the roses because this won't get him anywhere and he will be hurting your children and putting them in the middle which is really kind of sad.

I am glad your children have one sane parent (you) to keep things in perspective.

You sound smart!

by Linny 152 Posts
Posted on 5/27/2008 12:04 PM

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I know...this was the advice of my lawyer..and we were hesitant to do it..now we know why. I admit it was a terrible mistake to do that. However, there was a confrontation with my husband and myself a week before the hearing that was a bit scary ..it involved him not allowing me to have the children on a day we agreed..he has a very scary temper...I was afraid and my father came to get me..did not say a word..anyway...yes it has gotten all out of hand with the families..I agree. I have tried to talk to my husband..but he has nothing but hatred for all of us. My parents have been involved because they have kept us from losing our house, pay $400 worth of bills a month..all the while my husband goes on about his hobbies and spending money..so there are lots of things going on. But, we would not have done the letter if we had realized what would happen...hindsight is 20/20

by santafe 56 Posts
Posted on 5/27/2008 10:34 AM

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You have to do what you have to do but I personally would never have involved my mother for a few reasons.
1. It is none of her business. It really isn't.
2. You are her daughter and naturally she will take your side.
3. This reaction is what I would have expected so I would never have asked her to write a letter in the first place.
4. How does the court know your mother isn't over exaggerating since you are going through a divorce. She is obviously only going to bring up HIS faults. (and apparently the court sees that too)
5. It is YOUR battle not hers.

I am not saying he is right and you are wrong but rather it takes two to tango. Rarely, is one spouse perfect while the other is a holy terror. I am sure there are exceptions but in most marriages both have made contributions that are less than attractive to the other.
I kind of feel like you opened your own can of worms and regret it. That is respectable. On the other hand, I can feel some level of sympathy for your future ex because you and him should be working out the details of the children. Involving parents (which happened) has created a living hell for everyone.

You can't take it back but I would really approach him and telll him you want to talk and work through this with him and him only. It is going to be very important for the children that they see you can get along together. It will be very unhealthy for them to see the familys fighting and screaming and yelling and saying hateful remarks about each others families. TRY TRY TRY to consider how this will affect your children.

by Linny 152 Posts
Posted on 5/27/2008 7:50 AM

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