It will take time, unfortunately.  However, it will get better.  There are a lot of great people here that can offer you support and I would recommend maybe seeing a counselor to help you share your feelings with so you can get them out in the open.  Try to occupy yourself with things you haven't had a chance to experience yet or pick up a hobby that gets you involved with other groups of people like a pool or bowling league.  Everything will be fine before you know it and don't worry we are here for you to help you get through this.  Take care.

How do you deal with a spouse who didn't communicate his feelings to you and mean them. Telling you after 25 years that he was "pretending"  to love you and felt forced to say the words. Who won't discuss your medical issues with you, not to fix, but just to acknowledge them.  I know that I sound pathetic, but he was my life. The hurt is so very real, mentally and physically.  He always worked to support our family, (two sons), I only worked part-time.  But I was always the "main" care giver to the boys and him. Supporting him in the things HE wanted in his life, what ever project that may have been.  I have only a couple of friends outside of family, they have been a good support. But "MY" life just walked out the door.  I am having a VERY hard time of this and thinking of the future without him is VERY HARD.  I really didn't have any plans besides spending them with him.  Now trying to plan is something I don't seem to be handling very well.

I can relate to your situation. I met my husband in high school. We dated for 2 years, he moved to Arizona after we graduated and came back 6 months later to propose. I accepted and we were married 6 months after that. We have been married for 26 years and we have 4 kids. 7 years ago our middle son got into some trouble and I needed my husband more than ever and he retreated. 2 years ago he announces that he had volunteered for a tour in Iraq. (He works for the Army Corps of Engineers) Our oldest son had gotten himself into some trouble also and I really needed my husband to stay home and help me through that but his response to me was that I needed to find a friend. Someone that could help me with my trouble. I thought thats what he was. My friend. His love is Harley-Davidson Motorcycles. Not me or his children. He filed divorce papers on Feb. 28th of this year after being in Iraq for 18 months. Not even waiting to come home to do it. I have been living in a tailspin ever since. I can't sleep through the night yet without rolling over to hold him. I still miss him more than I thought I ever would. I don't know when the pain will stop but people tell me to just "BREATHE". Take time with your kids...take each day as it comes...bury yourself in your work. I find that all of that helps during the day but in the middle of the night I'm still all alone. So I guess I don't know how to help you but get yourself a good support group and trust your instincts!!!

I can identify with you. been married 28 yrs separated 3 yrs and going thru a long difficult divorce. it's been such a long process. it's been almost 10 yrs since I found out about his affair, we tried counseling, moved into different house cause her brought her there and hated that house......just a long stressful process. have 2 boys 19 and 26 and they been thru a lot of things that no kid should have to but i had to move out for serius health resons and i knew my youngest son then 16 would stay with his father. it killed me to leave him, i can still see his face when i left. i feel like my husband stole my son for 2 yrs from me...thise 2 yrs  i will never get back.Now the nasty part of the dvorce is coming up-division of property etc, alimony. i feel so drained now i know i need the strenght to finish this up and get the best setlement for myself. but i am so tired and drained and the worst thing i also have isolated myself.......need a helper to walk me thru this. i feel like my feet are in cement. suggestios

Freedom had some very good advice. I was married for 33 years and it isn't easy. What saved me a lot of heartache was working. Working until I was so tired I couldn't do anything else. But I got the farm out of the divorce so I have to work like that. I could take my anger at the situation I found myself in out on the equipment I was using. Nothing like cussing a bush hog because you can't get it hooked up correctly. Thank goodness I live in the "boonies". I do nearly all my own work with little help.
When you get those divorce papers it will become real for you. I was and still am in a support group and still see my therapist. Because I am so isolated I try to have as much contact with other people as possible. I have no relatives near by so I am mostly on my own.
You need to try to change your mindset from "poor me I miss him" to getting up every day and thinking of something you don't miss about him. That does work because I know of two others who have tried it. It helps if you have someone to ask you every day what you don't miss about him. When you can come up with that first thing you are glad you don't have to put up with you will know you are on your way to accepting your new life.  I still do that on occassion. Not out of hate but a little anger can go a long way in a situation like this. My main one is I no longer have to schedule my life around his NASCAR races on TV. And I no longer have to look at a case of beer in the refrigerator. The biggie: I don't have to worry if a girlfriend will be on the other end of the phone when I answer it. He never answered the phone. When you can do that it will give you a sense of freedom and you can start to do the things you always wanted to do but couldn't. You have your two children. They should be a help to you. When you are ready you will know and start to live your own life; not his, or the kids but yours.