18 Posts

---

Call your family and friends - if you need to pack up and go, ask them for help.  It can seem overwhelming but you can start over.  Take the kids, move back to your family's state and stay with them until you get on your feet - the positive side of this is if he has all the credit cards and pays everything then you have no debt.  You have a clean slate!

I agree with mtnvly about keeping  journal and with Christina Rowe who said to have a timeline.  But start right away, don't delay.

Sorry adadwhocares but "showing cleavage" doesn't work with an emotional person who thrives on mentally torturing others - she probably dealing with someone who has psychopathic tendencies.

Good luck Audrey3 and come back and tell us how you are doing!

view profile

76 Posts

---

Send out your S.O.S. to friends and family! They can combine forces and help you get into a healthier situation.  You need to get out and clear your head. Get proactive instead of reactive. It is so hard to think beyond where you are now. But this site is filled with wonderful advice. Keep reading and writing.I wish you luck and the advice below is exactly what you should be doing. Remember to breathe and listen to your intuition...it never lies.

view profile

173 Posts

---

I know you feel overwhelmed right now, but you need to start doing some planning. The first thing you should do is make copies of all the financial records. Do this when your husband is at work. Get out the bank statements, his pay stubs,tax returns, deeds to properties, investments, etc.

You say that your husband takes away the credit cards when he is angry with you.  It is time for get some credit cards in your own name. If you are an additional card holder on your husband's account and he has good credit, you should be able to get your own account.

 

The next thing you need to do is start putting some money away. If he is controlling the finances, this can seem impossible, but maybe you can start saving some cash here and there? You need to have some cash if you ever need to leave in an emergency. Another thing to do is start stocking up on essentials, like diapers, formula, clothes for the kids, when you go grocery shopping. I am sure your husband will not question or notice an extra bag of diapers each week.

If husband becomes physically abusive and you need to leave, go to the bank and withdraw half of what is in the joint bank accounts. You may want to consider moving back to your family in your home state temporarily so you have some help and support.

It is the worst feeling in the world to feel trapped in an unhappy marriage. Since you are about to give birth, this might not a good time for you to be leaving, but it should be a long term goal. With some careful planning over the next 6 months, you can build up a cash reserve and start planning a new life. It won't be easy with two small kids, but you will be so much happier than living with a verbally abusive, mean spirited man.

Good luck:)

Christina Rowe
www.secretsofdivorce.com

view profile

73 Posts

---

I was in a situation very much like yours for 10 years. Then my husband took his paycheck and left me and the kids. Luckily I have family who supports me, so I can afford for an attorney. I have received so much good advice from this site too. You need some money and you need to leave him. Otherwise as soon as he finds someone else, he will throw you and the kids away like a piece of trash. That is exactly what my husband did. Right now he is trying to force me give him the kids because he does not want to pay child support and his mistress should be able to take care the kids for him. What a plan! Often I ask myself why I waste all these years with him. Learn from my experience and try to leave him when your kids are young. Good luck!

view profile

4 Posts

---

You should do what most every single moms do, get a job... Not to be rude or anything. For where to go, lean on your friends and you will see your true frinds... Good luck with that. You can try saying your sorry for whatever your responsible for. (50%) He could be a.d.d. and gets frustrated quickly.. You should listen to him and ask him whats the matter. Extend your arms and open your self up to communicate... Show some cleavage or something and see how that goes..

view profile

484 Posts

---

Even though you are a stay at home mom you still should be able to divorce him and get the kids. Keep a journal of EVERYTHING that happens. Every time he treats you as such. Any written proof will help. If you get the kids , he pays you enough to take care of them. If you can't work (obviously you can't get a job in your condition) he will have to pay more. You have small children , that is all taken into account with child support.
He has no right to treat you that way. It is a control thing with him. He "punishes " you . That is what is going on with the credit cards and the phone calls. Even of he never lays a hand on you it is still abuse. Verbal and mental abuse are probably worse than physical because you see no visible scars( they are all internal) and harder to prove.
Make sure you have a good lawyer . They can advise you better . I was in a relationship similar to yours. If I had it to do over again , I would leave. I , like you, had no job. I was afraid that I would get my kids taken away. So I stayed. (He was killed in an accident 10 yrs ago)It is not worth it. I have found out since about the custody thing and child support. He had bashed so much of my self esteem that I didn't think I could do it. But I could and am now.
You have to look out for yourself and your children.

view profile