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   Posted to group - Cheating spouses    <<Previous    Next>>

What to do if you know someone is cheating?

I have a friend at work and she is cheating on her husband. I am friends with him also, we go to the same church and our daughter's play together. Do I tell him? Or do I mind my own business. If I was being cheated on, My ex did cheat on me, I would want to know.
by lizzi08 
Posted on 5/14/2008 6:56 PM    
Sent to Friendsend to friend
   
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Answer s for "What to do if you know someone is cheating?"  (9) (You must be logged in to answer)
Perhaps you can just make the suggestion that SHE tell him.  That it is so cruel to do this to him.  Maybe you can appeal to her sense of "decency" to do the honorable thing.
 Also - not EVERYONE wants to know.  I have known a lot of people who say they wouldn't want to know in hopes that it would just die down on its own.  So you never know what that spouse would want.
by Mb  185 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2008 1:14 PM
0

If she knows that you know I would talk to her and advise her to stop the relationship until she figures out if she wants the marriage or not. Tell her how you feel and that if she does not stop then you will go to him. She needs to end one relationship or the other.
I wouldn't just go to him and tell him with out warning her first. Give her a chance to make things right.
This is a tough one but that is how I think I would handle it.
by mtnvly  488 Posts
Posted on 5/26/2008 12:34 PM
0

i would tell.  i get that it's not really your business etc.etc.  but, isn't this just another type of accessory after the fact..and isn't that sort of illegal...well, at the very least...gross.  how do you look at your friend in the eyes without telling  them?
by Vicki  854 Posts
Posted on 5/22/2008 2:52 PM
0

I would tell him, but do it annonimiously.  I would want to know to.
by JLK  136 Posts
Posted on 5/22/2008 2:44 PM
0

Tell him, Sometimes this site kills me with the, "My feelings. his feelings, her feelings, blah blah blah" One simple word, truth.

You can tell him anynomously, make up a BS e-mail address.
Site specifics so he knows its real.

Everyone deserves the truth.
by sckain  19 Posts
Posted on 5/22/2008 2:42 PM
0

lizzi08,
I would sit back but if you see her with someone take a picture, then show him he may get upset. But you will help in the long run. Write down times you know she is cheating when your friend is ready he will understand why you did this. Yes I have been cheated on I learned last year for sure. Good luck in helping your friend out. Yes I would have like my friends to have told me sooner, because, it has been going on for 7 years.
by camero  90 Posts
Posted on 5/16/2008 4:28 PM
0

I agree that you should only observe and stay neutral. He will find out soon enough as the affair excelerates...and it will excelerate. Just like 6108, I picked up her cell phone just to occupy myself while eating a bowl of cereal and the slightest clue confirmed what I had been feeling. Then I got really curious and found out everything within days of that.
by cutdeep  72 Posts
Posted on 5/15/2008 6:31 AM
0

I wouldn't say anything, because I believe it will be found out in it's own time.  My husband cheated on me for two months before I found out - he asked for a divorce and convinced me for weeks & weeks that it was all my fault for being a terrible wife.  One morning while he was in the shower, out of pure intuition I picked up his cellphone and there was all the proof I needed.  In our 12 years together, I never once felt compelled to snoop like that - but that morning I did.  It didn't feel right, I knew it was something more.  He denied it, but kept up constant contact with her, I asked him to move out since he wouldn't stop and focus on our marriage.  He left on 3/1, telling me he just wanted to be alone, have time to heal, not have affairs, not being intimate with anyone and in less than 6 weeks he said just get the divorce, I'm romantic with her now, and I was like no kidding... it's been an affair for months just because you admit it now doesn't get you off the hook.  
The spouses in this mix will find out and figure it out in their time.  When you love someone and know them so very well, you can just sense this stuff.  It took me awhile, but I found it out, too.
by 6108  30 Posts
Posted on 5/14/2008 8:46 PM
0

This is a difficult one.I was in the same situation.I did tell my friend and it destroyed all of our friendships.Maybe its best not to tell.
by bodie  4 Posts
Posted on 5/14/2008 8:33 PM
0