1603 Posts

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JLK is right.  It takes time. Unfortunately there isn't some great formula that says "Flip your calendar, you'll be healed HERE."  Some go quick, some go slow.  I had a good friend who got a divorce, and didn't really recover for what seemed like 2 years. 

Things you can do to help the process, once more JLK offered good advice:  do what makes you feel good.  If you're like me, your next question is "What's that?"  Experiment.  have you ever thought "Hey, I'd like to try photography someday?"  No better time than now! Exercise is great.  It gives the feelings a place to go.  If you take up something like Yoga you can work through the feelings while excercising.  Feeling more violent? Cool!  Take up karate!  The point is, there's something for everybody, and yeah despite how you're feeling now, there's something for you.

I would also recomend talking.  Talk with friends, get a counselor, get a blog, GET IT OUT!  It takes time, but I think you're on the right track, you just seem sad and frustrated.  It's normal, but because it is, I can tell you with some authority: it goes away.

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132 Posts

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Well first I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself.  You need to do that to move forward.  I am recently divorced...officially a month ago...and I know what you mean about the complete sadness and dispair that one feels in the beginning months of a separation/divorce.  When I first separated (not my choice...my ex husband cheated on me and wanted out of our marriage)....so when we separated I was devastated to say the least.  These things happened to other people...not me.  Anyway I felt like I had two choices...either roll over and be depressed and do the poor me thing or take control of my life and make myself and my kids (2 and 4) happy.  I choose to do that later and it has made all of the difference.  I focused on myself.....started dressing nice every day for work, made sure I was looking great so I felt great....started running and exercising to get in shape and again feel good about myself....even went as far as getting breast implants that I have wanted for years.  So in doing all of this I allowed the sadness of my marriage to slowly away and it allowed another man to come into my life who I adore and who adores me.  You need to focus on the positives of your life and move forward.  Don't let the other person ruin your entire life....they have already taken so much.  If you feel the sadness is overwhelming talk to your doctor about medication....also a counselor is great to get your feelings out.  Just know that you are not alone.  The sadness will get less and less......but only time is going to allow that.  My one friend told me that months down the road I would be better and she was right.  You need the healing process to occur and yes it might be a slow process, but one day you will wake up and the sadness will not rule your life as it is now.  Smile, stay positive, work on yourself and a great life ahead....and go out there and get.  The best thing I could do to get back at my ex was to show him that I was better off without him.

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