you say you are a bad communicator - well, more than likely a big reason he never responded to anything until the threat of separation is because you communicated in a way YOU understood - but not in a way HE would. Men and women have completely different ways of doing things - what you see as important, he all this time might have lower on his list of priorities. It doesn't make either of you wrong - just different - and you need to learn to work together and communicate effectively. It shouldn't have gone to the point where you were so upset you wanted to leave - counseling should have come into play a lot sooner.

I agree totally. I too was in the same situation.  He comes home barely speak, falls asleep in the couch until 2-3am every night, lacks any type of motivation.  Sex was like a chore and we basically lived like roommates. He had a temper and wld get mad for the slightest reason.  After begging him to love me, to go to therapy and to stop smoking weed for eight yrs. I gave up.  I lost all interest, and while this may not be the best situation, I reconnected with my childhood sweetheart and filed for a divorce.  I don't think it is fair to waste your time in a one sided relationship, whether it is on his side or yours.  A relationship takes two people.  My question is how long will this change lasts? " My motto is a leopard never changes his spot".  Unless, he gets the help he needs, then it will be pointless.  What he is doing now, he could have done before you lost interest.  Follow your heart and do whats best for your kids.

thanks Misslacey, I know my husband loves me.  Or at least That is one thing I WAS sure of.  But when I think about it now, why didn't he do more earlier then?  why did he wait until the threat of separating came his way?  We go to our first counseling session in a couple of weeks, I think I will be better at communicating witha third party present.  I don't want or need to be treated like a princess, I just want 50/50.  I really appreciate you responding!  It feels better knowing there are other people out there going through the same thing.

I signed on to this site just so I could leave you a comment. Everything you say & have been going through is the exact same thing I have been dealing with. For years he would get off work & be glued to the tv & not speak to me. I have begged him for so long to just show me a little attention/affection. He has never showed any interest in changing & told me "this is me, if you don't like it, leave" & after 8 years I finally decided to end it & try to be happy. 2 Weeks ago I told him that I was done begging him to love me & now he has decided to treat me like a princess. I am totally confused/disgusted with him at this point. I feel like it is too little, too late & now I look like the bad guy b/c he's finally trying after 8 years & I just don't care anymore. I don't want him to touch me & I resent him for thinking that anything he does now will help the situation. I just feel like I will be wasting both of our time trying to fix it b/c I am DONE. I have been ignored & unappreciated for so long & I refuse to take it anymore. I know this wasn't really a response to your vent but I wanted you to know that I am sorry for what you are going through, and I feel your pain 100%. Good luck with everything & I hope that knowing you're not the only one with a magic change husband would help. We have to do what will be best for us & our kids in the long run & if hedidn't care enough to change before you were fed up, then he doesn't deserve your love. NO woman should have to beg to be loved. EVER.