YOU ROCK! When the time is right you will replace the unhusband with a real man. 34 is way to young to be concerned about age.

Wow...what a difficult decision this must have been for you.  You have my sincere admiration for confronting such a painful reality....and my deep regrets that you were put in such a position to begin with. 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience....  I hope the days to come bring you more happiness than the ones you're leaving behind.

I really think you are on your way to healing, and that's great.  I wish you the best of luck in the future.  I feel the same as you that the love you had was in the past and in your memories,  basically in love with your memories of what you once had.  I'm in the same spot as you, I just can't bring myself to forgive and forget so easily especially when he broke our family apart by cheating on me with a tramp from work.  I have a feeling they won't last either, the same feeling you get with your unhusband, but that's none of my business now.  I don't want to be his friend (which is what he wants to be--yeah right!!), and I don't wish him well anytime soon either.  He's hurt me and my children and now my youngest son has to go to counseling due to anger issues and frustration issues at school, no thanks to him.  But of course he doesn't take any blame in that, he stated to me that he had those problems before this all happened!!  WHATEVER--guess that helps him sleep at night being in denial and all.  Anyways, it sounds like you are in the right direction and you are continuing to stay strong and that's great.  I'm proud of you and I wish you the best!!

Thanks everybody! I actually talked with my unhusband who apparently has been reading my posts (Hi) and he did give me one little nugget of info that may in time hurt. Basically when he needed a wife, I was not there. I'm not all sure what that really means but as I stated to him. It took two to create a life and 2 to wreck it. I did tell him that he was no better to me. For years I had wanted him to be emotionally available to me. Well showing emotions is a "sign of weakness" and for a long time he was not emotionally my husband especially when I needed him to be. Now I did push that need aside and that blame lies with me alone. But if I was not a good wife on some level, he was not a good husband on some levels as well.

Maybe we were never meant to be with eachother forever. Though I would have stayed with him forever. I am slowly comeing to accept this and try and move on. In my heart I lost my husband a long time ago and by the time the bomb dropped it was to late to try and save anything. Plus I can't be the only one who wants to save our marriage, and he has clearly moved on to someone else. I know they will not last but that is not any of my concern.

It is time for me to get on with my life. At 34 I am still young enough to still make something of myself. I have a long way still to go because I do still love him. But the man I love only exists in my heart and in my memories. I am not ready to wish him well. It is not in my nature to forgive and forget very easily. Given the fact that he broke my heart and soul, forgiveness may be a long way off. I may get there someday, but not right now. But I am able to say I do deserve to be with someone who loves and wants me for me. That is a huge step forward.

I don't plan on talking to the husband again. We talked and that was enough. He is in a different place than me and I only want the best for him.

I commented on your original post and my situation was very much like yours. I knew for a month or more before the other mans wife called me but I was glad to hear from her. The biggest caveat that I don't remember anyone commenting about was exactly as you stated...when you start comparing notes you realized how far removed you were from who he had become. The downside to this is that it seriously hampers any future attempt to reconcile. i am trying to work things out with my wife but the things I learned about her and the realization of who she REALLY is has made it nearly impossible. The moral is...you have crossed a line that you can't go back across....my advice after a year of trying to recover a lost marriage....proceed as planned with no regrets...you will be glad you moved on eventually and happier for it. Good luck to you.