Having "The Talk"

I have already responded to this comment but I couldn't find a spot just to write messages-just wanted to say thanks for responding to my friend offer

Uh, Oh!  The big talk!  Sounds like an uncomfortable time. But you make it sound like a requirment or expectation of a normal marriage.  I know youv'e probably already heard this, but are you SURE that there is no other options? Even a seperation to give both of you time to become healthy individually is a better option than divorce.  People can even be seperated for years with no one making the steps towards divorce.  Unless there is an urgent reason to file; I would just talk to your wife about seperation; if she doesn't want to wait for both of you to heal to get back together-than she will suggest a divorce and that will be on her conscience.  Lots of people find marriage HARD, even traumatic.  They want to find an easier and happier way of life; thinking they made a mistake in picking their life-partner.  But there is a reason you picked your wife, there has to be even a tiny little nugget of goodness in there somewhere.  Did you know that when people cut off long-term relationships and pursue another one later that it is almost guaranteed that they find someone just like the old one?!?  Depressing I know.  Studies show you need about 6 mo.  of  no dating for each year of marriage in order to have a more likely chance of surviving your next marriage. I hope that if you have not had a chance to talk with your wife yet, that it goes well when you do.  Hang in there, and I hope my unsolicited advice doesn't make you mad. :-)

Paula, it's a good question.  You can read some of my journal entries posted here and probably get a feel for what has happened in our relationship.  In a nutshell, I was being subjected to emotional abuse and really didn't realize it until a few years ago.  We've been to counseling, I'm on meds, I've tried talking about her behaviors (and mine) and still nothing chances.  Basically, she sees no need for change on her part.

 

I care for her and I don't want to hurt her, but in terms of love... that died a while ago.  And right now I'm just sort of the "walking wounded."

Hi,
you just posted a comment to my question.  My husband says he doesn't know if he love anymore.  I thought it was good advise.  Now I am wondering why you want to divorce your wife.  Have you tried therapy together or alone? 

I guess if you really wan to have the talk, first of all, sit her down and be honest.  Don't give any false hopes, be very straight forward but be kind.

she will be upset anyway, just say what you are thinking but make it calm. she already knows there are problems maybe she is thinking of divorce also. But first you both might go to a marriage counselor first to see if you can work it out.
Good luck.

i thought his article was pretty good overview:  http://www.divorce360.com/articles/372/talking-with-your-spouse-about-divorce.aspx