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How do you deal with anger at your ex?

Anger is one of the hardest emotions to deal with post divorce. If you are the one who's been cheated on, betrayed or otherwise victimized by your ex, how the hell do you get over it, especially if you still have to deal with him day in and day out. I've already posted about the futility of trying to forgive, especially prematurely, but you do have to do something with all that anger. I've lived with my ex's rage against me for six years now, and he's the one who cheated and left. I'd be willing to bury the hatchet but he isn't (we still are co-parenting which creates all kinds of ongoing issues) but he's the one who hangs on to the rage. I have to deal with this angry, hateful human being on a regular basis. He's managed to turn my daughter against me so she doesn't want to see me at the moment--which is kind of a relief because that means I don't have to deal with him. It seems like his anger has infected my life, I have to live with it like a corrosive acid. I try my best not to let it get to me. As time passes I'm more and more successful, but sometimes I just feel terribly bitter which is not a fun way to feel. I could use some new techniques to deal with anger, especially the anger I still feel at him. What works for you?

by EricaManfred Posted on 5/11/2008 10:50 AM	send to friend e-mail this from divorce360.com [How do you deal with anger at your ex? ] - divorce360.com To E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,) From (Your name) : Your e-mail address: Message:
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Answer s for "How do you deal with anger at your ex? " (2) (You must be logged in to answer)

I have been told time and time again that I need to let go of the angerness and bitterness before it rots me inside and out and turns me into a hateful, mean person that no one wants to be around. My ex cheated on me and denied it until the day of our dissolution (of course the coward after the hearing admitted it!!). My final divorce was in March of this year, so the anger and bitterness is still so fresh, but I try every day to not think about him and her and I feel that every day that goes by and more time that goes by that I don't think about them I feel I'm getting better. I just take it day by day. I try to concentrate on doing a good job at work and being a better mom to my 2 boys, things like that. I guess people say that sitting in a quiet room and just concentrating on your own breathing, by breathing in and out slowly it helps your body to relax. I guess I don't understand why your ex is so angry at you, when he's the one who cheated and left, it should be the other way around. I just know that I've been told that it's not healthy to hang onto anger, you need to let it go and get on with you life. I know it's easier said than done, believe me I have daily struggles with it myself, I'm not perfect at all, but I'm trying to let go of it little by little. I guess it would be best to keep communication with him to a minimum, but I'd hate to see your daughter turned against you, she needs her mom.

by freedom 51 Posts
Posted on 5/12/2008 9:56 PM

many people have found that email (vs a "live"conversation) is the best way to handle someone like this.... it gives you time to compaose your thoughts andyou can "skip" the negative, mean stuff they write....

by jackson 280 Posts
Posted on 5/12/2008 11:10 AM

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How do you deal with anger at your ex?

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