Hi everyone, first post here after finding this site... my divorce is likely getting filed in the next week (amicable - no kids, no legal battles).  Here's a rundown on the situation:

My wife wanted to attend a school out-of-state, so I was trying to find a job in the area so she could go there.  Then I received military orders to go out-of-state for training for several months.  So we decided that as long as we were going to be geographically separated anyway, she might as well go ahead and go to school and I'd try to join her once my training was up.  My training ended in November and she came back home for the holidays once her semester was over.  While using her laptop, I accidentally clicked on one of her favorites and it sent me to a website where she was posting explicit pictures of herself to another guy (who she's never met).  I confronted her, and she didn't deny it.  Apparently this guy is her Dom and she is his submissive, and it had been going on since just after I had left for my training.  She had NEVER in our 3 year marriage give any hint she was into this kind of stuff.

Anyway, I wanted to work things out, but she refused.  She says the whole experience showed her she wasn't really attracted to me in that way, and since I'm such a gentleman, I could never fill this role of a Dom that she's decided she wants.  She even wears a dog collar 24/7 now because that's what her Dom wants.  His influence over her scares me to death, but that's another story...

So as you can imagine my world has been quite upside down since then.  Until the day I used her laptop, I thought we had a wonderful marriage - we never fought, were caring, etc, etc.  So for that to just vaporize in a single day (the day before my brother's wedding, too), just has rattled me.  There wasn't any falling out period or anything like that.  Just sort of like, great marriage one day and *poof* it's all gone.

The logical part of me is basically saying "OK, if that's what she wants, we'll get the divorce and move on... I can't save the marriage by myself."  But the thing I don't get is I feel so guilty.  People who know about the situation absolutely cannot understand why I would consider taking her back and why I am not absolutely livid and seeing red at the mention of her name.  It's because I feel responsible.  It was my idea she go to school... it was my military career that sent me away for training... I feel like I must have been a bad husband for her to want to leave me.

Everyone tells me how I'm such a wonderful guy and how I had given everything for my wife and that she doesn't deserve me and I should move on and find someone who will truly appreciate me.  But if that's true, why would she leave me? 

Has anyone else felt this way/understand?  Or do I just need a swift kick to the head?