Wow...it is so nice to know I am not alone!!  Yes, I feel like I am just now coming alive and feeling my true self-worth while my husband is winding down.  What a conflict this is.  I feel young and alive and he feels old and tired.  Tonight we had a heart to heart and he told me he would give me as much time and space as I needed.  I just hope he means that.  My family is so used to having me around the house, cooking and cleaning and planning and keeping it all going.  How difficult will it be to accept me taking "me" time, spending longer hours at the office and not always being there for them to do everything?  And will they agree to pick up some of the slack for me?  I guess only time will tell.

Just as my kids were looking to begin marriages, I was looking to end mine.  I was mostly afraid of the message I would send them! They didn't know how I had felt for years...or at least I never told them.  I decided to get counseling to get my self  centered and as I was getting stronger he decided to get counseling too! We are trying to rekindle what we had and make it work.  Who knew he had it in him!  It started with the book The Sex Starved Marriage and led us to to find a really good counselor.  It may be worth seeing if your marriage is salvagable! Good luck!

My dilemma exactly!  As a matter of fact, I'm tourtured by this every day of my life!!!  I want to end my 30 year marriage to a man that is retired in front of the TV.  I hear this is very common for men to do, while women are just getting started in life after raising a family.  I am making plans to leave, but I don't want to hurt my family.  I asked my husband the other night if he would go into counseling with me and he said no.  I can take care of myself financially.  I'm definitely leaning toward leaving, but I'm still not 100%.

Hi, you should know that you are not alone.  The majority of mid and late life divorces are initiated by women for exactly the reason you state--husband has become depressed blob on the couch while wife has become live wire,  world beater.  The large majority of women your age who divorce wind up doing just fine, financially as well as in other ways.  Mid forties is pretty young for a woman married as long as you have been.  There are even available men around your age and a little older.  You're lucky to be on the late end of the baby boom--lotsa guys  in their fifties are looking for women in their forties.   That said, the downside to divorce at your age is not really financial--especially since you say you have a job you love, and your kids are grown-- T, but disruption to your family.  Your kids may be leaving the nest, but they will be very upset that there's no nest to come back to.   You have put 25 years into a life with your husband and that counts too.  Have you broached the "D" word with your husband?   Why not try a trial separation and see what happens.  Maybe your husband will whip himself into shape when he sees you walking out the door, miracles can happen.  After all no one else has those memories you two share.  At least give saving your marriage a try before you leave.  If he shows no sign of wanting to change, then you can leave with a clear conscience.   Good luck!.