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   Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

What To Do When Your Current Partner is Having Issues with Ex and Kids?

My boyfriend's ex is a real pain. She is constantly calling to yell at him. He gives her a ton of money, his family gives her money, too. They have been divorced for 3 1/2 years and they have 2 kids, one in college, the other is turning 15. The daughter is not much better. She is incredibly rude and demanding and he holds her accountable for nothing. He knows this is a problem but seems unable to change the established patterns. He was taking her to therapy, but she quit. He has gone to therapy in the past, but not about these issues. My question is this, what do you do when you disagree about the way your current partner is handling things with their ex and kids? Do you stay out of it? Give input? How do you let it not get to you when you think they are handling things badly? Would you insist that he go talk to someone? It is all starting to really get to me as it now impacts my life, too.
by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce    257 Posts   
Posted on 5/1/2008 4:32 PM    
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Tags: relationships , ex , kids

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Answers for "What To Do When Your Current Partner is Having Issues with Ex and Kids?"  (9) (You must be logged in to answer)
don't meet her unless she asks to meet you. It will only cause more problems. She sees your face, you become more of a threat.
by spaznskitz   2584 Posts
Posted on 5/4/2008 2:22 PM
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That's pretty much what he says. I keep thinking that maybe if I met her, it wouldn't feel so big. Right now, it feels like this woman that I have never met is constantly trying to control our lives. On the other hand, she might start calling and yelling at me at that point!
by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce   257 Posts
Posted on 5/4/2008 9:56 AM
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eh, I think he "lays down" to his ex not because there are unresoved feelings - but more because he just doesn't want the conflict & drama - it's easier just to give her her way than to fight about it.

He loses out in some respects but he justifies it by the fact it got whatever the problem was - over with...
by spaznskitz   2584 Posts
Posted on 5/3/2008 6:42 PM
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That is a good point, and what I am trying to tell myself. He brought some stuff up about them last night and I didn't take the bait because it seems to always end up with us having a difficult time which is exactly what his ex and daughter both want. On the other hand, I have to agree with Bambi, there is something very intimate about the way his ex feels she still has the right to fight with him in that way and make all these demands. It makes me feel sometimes that he and she are not really done and that if they were, he would not continue to let her do this. On the other hand, he doesn't really engage with her, just listens to her rant. He does, however, then get twisted up and end up agreeing to whatever it is they want without thinking. This is why so many times we have had plans, he "accidently" double books and agrees to drive his daughter somewhere. It is annoying but you are right, not my drama.
by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce   257 Posts
Posted on 5/2/2008 9:23 AM
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