Your story is very similar to mine.  I had an affair with a guy for two years.  My husband found out (twice) and still wanted to work things out.  It's such a crazy situation.  And after the second time my husband found out, he called the guy.  After that, I tried to talk to the guy and all I got was a text message saying "I talked to (husband) last week and told him that I was done... I don't know what else to say.  We need to move on."  I am still very heartbroken over that.  Now I see how stupid I was.

I  too was sexually abused as a child.  Sadly, those are actually my first memories.  Therapist that I had been to in the past never really helped, until the one that I am seeing now.  My husband and I went to him because of my lack of interest in sex (with him). The therapist has really been helping me since this came out.  I think that you might want to look up someone who specializes in sex therapy.   My guy belongs to aasect  (www.aasect.org).  I just have a feeling that he is better able to help me.  

I do think that the abuse has everything to due with what you are going through.  If you need someone to talk to you can e-mail through here.

OMG.  You are in such a similiar situation as I am it's not even funny.  I had two affairs that my husband knows about(one very recent and the other in the past 5sh years).  My husband also wants to make the marraige work.  He says he still loves me, but I think he is more inclined to make it work for the three kids we have.  Either way, I love the excitement of the affairs (not to mention others I had that were just a one time thing).  The most recent affair I feel like I'm in love with him.  Maybe I'm in love with the life he leads as a single person.  I do know that I think about him everyday and as far as my husband, I don't want to continue hurting him and I don't want to hurt anymore either.  He does deserve someone who will give him the love he wants and expects from me as his wife, but I don't think I have it anymore to give.

Shake,
yes  i see what your saying. Yes if i would leave i woulnt ask for a penny and yes i wold be the one to leav e. He has done nothing wrong.  I was going to leave but he has beged me to stay saying he loves me. He says if i left it wouild hurt him more.

 

amiready, i am also on antidepressents for many years.  i tried counseling many times, but it never helped. yes maybe try again.  Not to blame childhood, but i was sexually abuused as a young child and wonder how much this plays into my self destruction.

 

also spaznskitz,  i see you are tough love all the way and appreciate it.  before when i wanted to leave it was always for 'someone' at this point i feel as if i never want to be with another man ever again.

after both my affairs, i became so suicidal i did try to get into inpatient therapy but i guess they deemed me 'not suicidal enough" 

the last two days ive missed work due to fainting and dizzy spells.  after running complete bloodwork and ekg, doctor says it could be stress.

i honestly sometimes want to just pack up and head south.

the thing is i have no reason to want to leave.  i dont want sympathy, but what are these damn empty feelings i have?

the only person who has truely loved  me, my husband, i have hurt so bad.  how do i try to figure out what i truely want and need.   can i still be a good wife? i honestly dont know

you don't want him.  if you did you would do nothing to jeapordize it.  he isn't giving you what you need because you don't know what you need.  love him enough to let him go so he can find someone you will love him faithfully.  leave the home, you are the one who has broken the vows and be responsible for what you have done and that it was over before you cheated the first time. just be honest with him he deserves this.

You will not find yourself by moving out.  I have been on my own emotional roller coaster for over a year.  I went to my dr., went on anti-depressants, I went to counseling, hell, I even bought the big book of AA and tried the 12 steps even though I wasn't an alcoholic!  Here is what I've learned.  I already have a "self"!!!  and guess what....a pretty good one at that!  If you tell yourself you are not worthy, then that is how you will behave.  Is your husband willing to go into marriage counseling?  I also have done a great deal of reading, which has helped my in my journey of forgiveness.  First, forgive yourself!  It will do you no good at all to keep punishing yourself.  You are not addicted to love.  You are just feeling so poorly about yourself that you are trying to find some external thing to make you feel OK.  We all do it with food, alcohol, etc.  One of the best books I've read is "A Woman's Worth" by Marianne Williamson.  It is an easy read.  If your marriage is to survive or not will be determined.  Don't worry about that right now.  It will become clear to you as you get emotionally stronger.  If your husband won't go into marriage counseling, go yourself, for yourself.  Good luck!