make your counter offer two evenings a week "daddy dinner time" and three weekends a month. See where that gets you with him...

I am glad he "finally" wants to be a big part of their lives.  I just know how it has been over the years...he cannot stand to be tied down but so long, loses his cool and becomes impatient.  In my opinion, I could see him with one night a week and visits during the week, every other weekend.  He has never had the patience to have them alone for a week..I know that and he does too.  He is just trying to prove that he still can control things.

Yes, judges are agreeing to joint custody, but my divorce lawyer says that no matter what the split is initially,  the kids usually wind up living with one parent or the other.  It's just too disruptive for kids to be split 50-50.  Of course it depends on their age, but it seems to me that kids benefit from living in one home and visiting the other parent, no matter which home it is.   Yes, mothers still have the best chance of getting custody, but if he wants joint custody and there is no pressing reason to deny it, the judge will probably grant it.  However, if you have a compelling reason to argue that the kids would be ill served by living in two homes, fight for custody and give him liberal visitation.  Whatever is best for the children is what the court will probably order.

Just because you are mom doesn't mean you get what you want because you ask for it in court. The court doesn't believe that because you gave birth you are the better parent. Men have just as much right to parent as women do. 

50/50 shared parenting is becoming a lot more mainstream. His petition for 50/50 custody is going to be seriously considered. 

Your reasons, that you just "don't want it" and he is a "fairly good parent" aren't good enough to sway the court to giving you primary custody.  You are going to have to have some solid evidence as to why it wouldn't work.

Kids adjust to it fine provided the parents work together to make it. Many couples choose to do 2 weeks at one parent with them going to the other parent during the middle weekend. It's less shuffling back and forth. The children benefit from having both parents raising them, and there isn't the problem of the good time parent and the discipliarian.

The man wants to be a big part of his kids lives. He doesn't want to be a part time dad, you should be embracing that - and working with him on it.

I advocate 50/50 for any of the clients I have that it would work for. The children deserve to be raised equally by both parents, it makes them a lot more well rounded in the future.


I'm a family law attorney.