born -

it is your divorce, not your friends - you handle it the way you feel comfortable based on the knowledge you and you only have about your life, and your history with your husband.

But what if I have the health insurance through my job, he does't have any retirement.  I do through my job.  We do have a house, but it is so far in mortgage debt that I'd couldn't or wouldn't want it.  I really don't care about money, or anything.  I just want out.  And left along.  Is that so wrong.  I can't  afford an atty at least not at this time.  Why can't I just walk away and be happy again?

Please don't just "settle"!  All I wanted to do was get out and get away from the hurt my husband of 35 years was putting me through.  I was lucky that I had friends who had been through divorce and they ALL told me to get a lawyer.  They all wanted out and a lot of them did just that and ended up with nothing.  They constantly pressed me to stand up for myself and to get what I deserved and I did.  I didn't rake him over the coals, and that was never my intention.  We ended up going 50/50 on everything and life-time support until I die or get married and honey, at this point he'll be sending that support till I die!  DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT - GET A LAWYER!  One lawyer told me to get a job with good benefits so that I could support myself - I did that and it has turned out to be the BEST advice I received from the 3 lawyers I had consultations with.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself!   You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I felt the same way you do when I found out what my ex was doing. I wanted to walk away from everything to get him out of my life. I had a very wise woman sit me down and tell me the facts of life as she knew them. Here they are:
What are you going to live on when you get retirement age? A $5000.00 lump sum of money and monthly support for 3 years doesn't seem like much for 29 years of marriage. Is that paying you for your contributions you made to the marriage? I'm sure his retirement pkg. is larger than that. Do you own a home together? You are entitled to part of that and any other assets you both have. What are you going to do for health insurance? I'm assuming you already have a job. Do you have kids? Who was the major caretaker and did the carpool routine. You do have an atty? If not get one fast. Not an expensive one; but a good one. He can tell you what you are entitled to in your state.
I took care of the kids, worked a veg. garden, painted our houses either going into or out of. I bought and sold the real estate, cars and managed three retirement accts., along with assorted part time jobs. We have lived in at least 12 houses in four states. Thanks to my friend and my atty. I did not sell myself short. I didn't rake him over the coals but I did get my fair share of what I was entitled to. He walked away with no debts except my alimony, a perfect credit rating and money in the bank. He promptly sent money to  his "wife" in another country. I wish you good luck and please don't sell yourself short on this.