OK....let's see if I can make a long story short enough to give the full picture.
Been married 12 years to an Italian and live in Italy.  When we first met, I didn't have a job (I had just arrived in Italy) and I was available to him at all times.  Not only that, but as I wasn't working I was a very relaxed person.  Fast forward a couple of years and I am now working, our schedules are opposite each other and my life is more stressful so I am not always calm and relaxed.  At the same time, my husband doesn't talk to me about anything.  I have no idea how his day goes, who he talks to, what his dreams are etc.  When he does choose to open his mouth it is to tell me what's wrong.  Fast forward another few years and he decides maybe it's a good idea to have a baby, though he was adamant that he never wanted one, he's changes his mind.  I get pregnant two months later and he freaks out.  He's trapped now, I am going to become a boring housewife with nothing to talk about except for babies.  I start withdrawing at this point.  The birth is traumatic, the baby is in intensive care for two weeks and I slowly go into a depression that lasts for many years, though I am unaware as it is my husband who is clinically depressed and passes many days in bed. We go into counseling at his behest, I am prescribed medication and start to feel better.  Now I find out he's looking for sex outside the marriage.  Am I in or out?