Dating Before the Divorce is Final, Yes or No?

Rich, it sounds like you are taking a very thoughtful approach to the issue. I can tell you that I did not and it meant that for years, I delayed actually dealing with the emotional fall out from my divorce. So instead of taking a year and really processing it, long after my divorce, I had to stop dating completely for several years in order to get myself back on track. I often wonder what might have happened had I actually taken some time in the very beginning to get myself mentally healthy again before I started dating. Good for you for recognizing that so soon!

This is something I'm wrestling with. I'm so mad at myself for wasting about 20 years of my life and I really want to move on. The thought of waiting another year or so to start dating is bothersome for me. On the other hand, I know I'm not ready for a new relationship. I can see myself falling quite easily into another relationship that may be less than ideal. I will probably wait at least until my divorce is final and I've worked out some relationship issues I have within myself.

From my own experience of getting into something too fast and not emotionally processing my divorce until years later, I can definitely see the wisdom in waiting. At the same time, I got a lot of healing out of those relationships, too. It's a difficult one!

I advise my clients not to.

I remind them that it isn't fair to the person they are dating. First and foremost if they have kids it can cause a lot of unecessary issues between you and your stbx, and I don't feel introducing children to people you are dating is healthy for them emotionally.

When you don't have kids, it is more a matter of the other person's feelings. They are free and clear - and the "what if " scenario becomes what happens when they have the freedom to become emotionally invested and want things to move forward. Many pre-divorce daters end up in relationships where once the divorce is final they don't want to be in anything serious, muchless consider re-marriage - but their partner is ready to...

the other problem is "rebound" falling too fast for someone because you are emotionally needy, taking it too far - and then realizing what a mistake it was.

It's better to get yourself completely free and clear of one relationship before you start another one.

I am a religious woman who honors the vows I took.  My husband claims to be religious, yet has a girlfriend already.  It is torture to see him take her out of town when he took me nowhere.  Always put yourself in the other persons position.  You need to give yourself a year to truly find yourself again.  Otherewise, you may make a mistake with another person.  It is lonely, but I know I am still faithful until the ink dries.  I can sleep at night with that thought.  Good luck.  It is a hard decision.