Waiting for Husband to decide if he will seek help or should I just move on?

Debi,
         I too am disabled and so I know that issue is probably some of your fear. But the unknown is scary and I did get divorced from h of 27 yrs. I am disabled and trying to get SSI as I cannot work. My ex does not have to pay me any alimony. Idaho sucks for alimony. Even though I stayed home and raised 5 children . Although it is scary and terribly lonely and they say divorce is worse than a death . I have to agree. I literally felt my heart break in two after he left. Through the process of divorce you will see who your husband really is and who you really are. You will discover strengths you never knew you had.
You will also gain some peace in your life and that is priceless. I love coming home to my apartment and doing what I want to do. Watching what I want to watch on tv and eating what I want. Less wash and less cooking. It does have it's good points but there will be dark times of lonliness .Cry when you feel like crying. Get mad when you feel like it. Just like a death there are stages of grief we have to go through to heal. If we ignore what we feel we will not move on and be happy.
Remember your worth as a woman...simply because you exist. Do something nice for yourself every day. Reach out to others for comfort. After my ex left I made it a point to hug people .It feels so nice and is much needed now.
I miss the way he smells ...his warm legs at night in bed...his hands and being able to kiss him but all the lies and the deception were not worth keeping those good things around.There is life after divorce and there can be happiness in way we can't even imagine right now. Be strong and know that you deserve peace and joy.
The love we have for our spouses may never disappear. I know that I can love him for the rest of my life .I just have to do it from afar .I wish you the best.
(((hugs)))

This my first marrage and this is her 3rd how can one go through this so many times,and yes i was told it is like a death,I lost three members in my family  and now a marrage.The rating is right up there!! The only thing that is keeping me from going crazy right now is i am half way there to see my two girls again 8 & 10,it`s been a long six months but each day i`m getting closer.I miss there smiling faces and them calling me dad,I have not herd dad in a long time.I try not to think about it,but i see one of them on AOL IM i had created her a screen name two years ago,she must have a mobile phone now,i here the aol door open and it says hi,then i here the door close and it says buy,i dont know if she see`s me,but i can not contact them in any way,wife put out restraing order,go to court in june for pre trial for divorce hopefully i will get some rights to see them.Ok little vent there thanks guys.

Debi,
I just divorced my second husband in Dec. 2007. It was not an easy decision to leave a 33 year marriage. I am 61 but I could no longer live his lies, put up with his drinking, and other things I found out he was doing. It is not too late to start over. I have the two things I cared about as much as my husband. For now I have my farm and my horses. I am dependent on him for total support and I know that might end at any time. I appreciate each day I get up and look at the hard work I put into my home.It was bare undeveloped land when I found it 5 years ago.  Money is tight and I cut corners well. I took over all the bills and he left the marriage with a new wife, a perfect credit rating and his jeep was paid for.  If I have $20.00 left at the end of the month I feel blessed. I wouldn't change a thing and don't regret the decision I made. I had a boss who told me when I had doubts about getting my farm livable: " you started it now finish it". When I told her I was getting a divorce she said: You started it now finish it." I hear her everytime I have doubts about a project I am starting.
I wish you well whatever decision you make. Just remember to finish what you start.

I'm over 51 and about to separate after 15 years of marriage.  I think that it is NEVER too late to start over, or start again.  Sometimes marriages just can't last forever - and they are not failed marriages necessarily.

Please do what you need to do for YOURSELF so that you can have a life.  Divorce doesn't mean you have to stop caring for your spouse.  If he doesn't want to share his private stuff with a trained professional, and you think that it is imperative to do so or the marriage is over, then you are not the one making the choice to resist and move forward.  Hopefully someday your husband will overcome his fears of sharing.

I wish you all the best of luck in your new lives.  This is my second marriage, and I'm quite sad about it ending, but there really is no other viable option.  We just don't want the same things from a spouse/partner, and so to keep on with the marriage would be wasting too much life for both of us.  Fortunately our daughter is on board with this.

 - A.

Debi,
It just might be harder for a woman to move on I don't know the answer to that. I do know that our attitude has more to do with being able to move on than anything else. Once you convince yourself that you can do it then possibilities start to emerge. Try to concentrate on the positive things about change and always try to move forward. It's ok to feel scared, confused, and lonely. Just don't let those feelings paralyze you into inactivity. I have to remind myself of this daily and kick myself about once a day to at least do one thing that will move me forward.

I promise that if you want to move on you can! You can and you will be so much happier when you have gotten through this.

Please vent here when you are feeling sad, lonely, or even mad. This is a great place to get your feelings out and to get some wonderful support from others going through some of the same things as you.

Go find yourself a reason to smile and feel good! Even if it's just for a little while. I know you will do what's right for you and I'm looking forward to hearing about your success some day!

You are already doing a great job!