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How do you handle it when your ex badmouths you to the kid?

I have a really hideous situation to deal with. My adopted daughter (10) lives with my ex and his wife (who he left me for). She's emotionally disturbed, in special ed, very difficult to manage, and I can't handle her alone (I'm much older than he is--and much, much older than the new wife) The two of them treat me like I'm some kind of loser who is always screwing up. The reality is that I visit her 3 times a week like clockwork, but sometimes I have to call them and ask for help because she won't listen to me. They let her know in no uncertain terms that I'm a screw up, and imply that I'm a bad mother who doesn't really care about her. Since she's pretty fragile emotionally she feels torn between them and me, and acts out with me as a result. Since she so dependent on them she buys their assessment of me. It's horrible. I often feel powerful to have any effect on the situation. Is anyone else dealing with a similar situation? What do you do?

by EricaManfred 179 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 8:38 PM

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Answers for "How do you handle it when your ex badmouths you to the kid?" (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks for the suggestions. My daughter's therapist is working with them to try to get them to stop badmouthing me so I hope that will help. As for getting help with her, I tried that too but didn't find anyone. The person would have to be trained to deal with emotionally disturbed kids, and I'd have to pay them. Not easy. But I'm working on it.

by EricaManfred 179 Posts
Posted on 4/25/2008 12:40 PM

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I have Similiar situation. My ex refuses to help me when it comes to handling situations with our children. Also refuses to discuss anything with me when it comes to our children. I wouldnt go to him for help sounds like he has a guilty complex. If you attend church ask your pastor some advice on how to handle the situation or if you have a friend that would help you talk to the child that would me better. I also agree you should keep a Journal of everything that was said and done. Your the Adult don't let them treat u any different.

by stric 5 Posts
Posted on 4/25/2008 10:16 AM

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Do you have other people you can call for help when you are having difficulties managing your daughter - instead of calling the ex?

Start keeping a journal of the dates and times that you hear them putting you down to your daughter. Legally they can not do that. But first you need documentation.

by andra 3 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 8:49 PM

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