retirement and life insurance

You can't change the beneficiary on the the retirement accts at work without your husband agreeing to it. Once you divorce you can change them to whoever you want. I believe you can change the beneficiary on the life insurance policy now and it doesn't matter that your kids are young. Once you get the divorce you need to let your Human Resource take him off all health insurance. What you can do is call your HR rep. and say you are thinking about getting a divorce and ask how and when to change beneficiaries. If the company is large enough they deal with these issues often enough to give you some generic info.
That's what I did when I was divorcing my ex. They told me how much my Cobra health insurance would cost me and how to apply for it.

Find a good atty that you are comfortable with to protect your assets to see that everything is handled fairly. I went thru three consultations before I found the fourth atty. We got along well with no problems.

In some state you cant make the beneficiary not be your spouse without their signing it...  I think once you have separated it may be easier...  I dont know about the health insurance - Id consult w a lawyer re that....