What if the non-custodial parent wants more time with the child

My step daughter is turning 12 this month and we would like for her to spend more time with us and her step brothers. She has made friends at our house and loves to play with the neighbors but every Sunday her time gets cut short because there is no flexibility for her to stay at our house past the court assigned time. My step daughter is forbidden to call and ask for additional time even if she is playing with friends or wants to stay overnight with us until Monday. Her mother does not let her play with friends at her house and all they seem to do is play golf 3-4 times a week and play in her room. We would like to extend our time with her to include an additional hour on Sundays if she has school on Monday and 2 hours if she is not in school on Monday. Also we would like to include an additional week during the summer. Currently, we have her every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend however, if there is a golf tournament, we allow her to stay with her mother and step father to attend the tournament because that is what is important to the child. We would love for her to live with us full time but her mother has made it a point to make her feel bad about that idea or spending ANY additional time with us outside of the divorce papers from 10 years ago with statements like "how could you leave me" and "you must like your friends more than me if you want to stay and play with them instead of come home".

It is our belief that as she get older and her bedtime gets later, this is not an unreasonable request and due to the distance we live from the other parents home, we are unable to visit the daughter on Wednesday from 5:00 - 7:00 as the papers allow. She also has golf practice on that day.

Please let me know your thoughts. I believe kids should play and have fun and the parents should back off of the strick divorce papers if it is in the best interest of what the child wants.

by justthestepmom 4 Posts
Posted on 4/23/2008 1:56 PM

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Tags: visitation , step children

Answers for "What if the non-custodial parent wants more time with the child" (8) (You must be logged in to answer)

I agree we should not waist government resources however, when do you justify a actual concern when you normally talk to someone once every other day? Is it after a week you can not get an answer when calling 2 cell phones and a home phone with no response for 5 days? We live in a world where there are news reports of horrible child issues daily. As for trusting that there is no abuse in the other home, I am not sure and when I asked my husband his thoughts, he could not tell me for sure that he did not believe that his ex-wife does not lash out at time also.

This weekend we discussed several things with my husbands daughter and in fact, she was told not to answer her phone no matter who called. Also, she was told that she needed to have the surgery after her vacation with her mom and summer golf. She was also told she would be required to carry her books around school and she would not get credit for PE which neither is true. We live where the summer is 100 plus degrees in the summer and snow is not a factor. She had a great weekend however, as always her mom called her at least 5 times a day and she expressed that if she did not talk to her when she called, she would be in big trouble when she returned to her mom's house. The custody is joint by the way. I nor my husband would never suggest not having a needed surgery so we could go on a vacation. My problem is again, that there has been no discussion or 2nd opinion for what appears to be a sporadic discomfort that may or may not be corrected with an elective surgery on a 12 year old child that would miss an entire summer and most likely be completely miserable in the heat of the south just to make a point!

by justthestepmom 4 Posts
Posted on 5/5/2008 10:51 AM

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you have no idea if the mother is not allowing the child to have her cellphone, or the child just isn't picking up because she wants the surgery done and is angry at her dad. .

there is no need to get the police involved. There is no abuse - that is a waste of government resourses and a huge over reaction on your part. Why traumatize the child by having police over at the house unnecessarily?

What is the legal agreement about decisions when it comes to the child - do they have joint legal custody or does she have sole? If it is sole legal on her part - he has no say in the matter.

If mom wants her to have the surgery, more than likely it's going to happen - in fact it may have already and that is why you aren't getting return calls, and if the problem with the child's foot causes her any type of pain and that is why the surgery is necessary - then that will trump a vacation in the eyes of the court anyway.

Also something to consider - if you live in a climate where there is ice and snow - it will not be in the child's best interest to be in a cast during the winter months - and also trying to deal with getting around school in a cast is cumbersome. It is understandable why the mother wants the surgery in the summer.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 4/30/2008 7:37 AM

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Now the problem is this. My husbands ex-wife wanted to have an elective surgery which would make my step daughter in a cast and boot for the summer. We have a wonderful family vacation planned and my husband put his foot down and said he did not want his daughter to miss out on her summer and the great family vacations for an elective surgery which he would prefer her have during the winter. Now she will not answer her phone nor will my step daughter pick up her cell phone for the last 5 days. (They usually talk at least every 2 days) We allow for open communication when we have my step daughter. Now we have had to call the police for a welfare check to make sure everything is ok. Please advise....

by justthestepmom 4 Posts
Posted on 4/29/2008 9:10 PM

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The only thing that can be changed with the situation is visitation times and child support . I would see your lawyer. Things have changed in your situation and I would at least give it a shot. It sounds like the mother is influencing your daughter. As per most seperation agreements it states that this is not allowed by either party. I would document what you have, date it etc so that you have info for proof. Sometimes a lawyer can be appointed for the child that their wishes might be heard.
It is sad when one party does that to the child.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 4/26/2008 8:18 AM

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you hear it because of people that give advice without knowing the facts. They try to make you feel better about your situation, they tell you things they have heard without actually having been in the court under the same situation. what people think, and how the law and the court actually works - two different things.

You see the problem here is that due to a divorce, your husband & his wife now have a 3rd and more powerful "parent" raising their child and making decisions - the court.

The court doesn't have, nor take into account, feelings. Your husband and his ex basically made a business deal and that deal can't be changed without specific reasons as set forth by the court, where the business deal resides.

So if the exwife does not agree to a change in the deal they made, there is nothing you can do about it.

this is the tragedy of divorce with children - they stop being just yours - and when parents don't agree - the court does the parenting for them.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 3:56 PM

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Why do I hear so many times that at the age of 12, children can choose who they want to live with? What is so wrong with wanting to send an equal amount of time with your son or daughter?

by justthestepmom 4 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 2:32 PM

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Unless there is a significant change of circumstance in one or the other parent's situation that warrants a change - it will not be granted unless mutually agreed on prior to court.

Courts do not change status quo without cause. The reasons you mentioned do not substantiate cause. Nor does a child have a say. (Unless you live in GA, then the child has a say at the age of 14 - it is the only state that gives children rights)

So basically, unless mom says it is ok - you would be wasting money on an attorney going to court.

I'm a family law attorney

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 2:20 AM

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It is my understanding that in most states, the ruling is a "living document" and can be revisited as the situation changes. also, i could be wrong, but my belief is that the courts are more even-handed than 10 years ago (others may disagree here, Im not a lawyer). So a brief discussion with a lawyer seems in order - (sounds like there is no reasoning with the other parent, but may be worth a try......)
Also, I am so sorry to hear that the mom is bringing the daughter "into the fight." ugh.

by jackson 723 Posts
Posted on 4/23/2008 10:24 PM

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