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One thing in your post blares out to me - " always seems to put others (non-family) in a higher place of regard, care and attention"actions like this are known to be indicators of people with depression and issues with self esteem. Helping others gives them a false sense of worth. further, her lack of regard to the finances, also a sign of something deeper - a deep unwillingness to deal with any type of conflict.
You might want to consider marriage counseling, either private or through the church before considering separating. The actions she is taking are just a symptom of the real problem.
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