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  Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

Tired of thinking about this!

Tired of thinking about this! I am 52, married 17 years with three kids (2-high school, 1 middle). For years and years I've felt belittled and taken for granted by my wife. Sexually removed for the past several years, I have also spend years working around my wife's financial irresponsibility: over-spending, bounced checks, avoiding bills to the point of legal action... I cannot seem to devise a plan circumventing her abuse and co-destruction of my credit. She just last month started working - $10/hr Saturdays only. Does little to maintain the house, prepare meals for family... and always seems to put others (non-family) in a higher place of regard, care and attention. I'm (finally) contemplating legal seperation / divorce, but being devout Catholic also worry terribly about my soul. Any views / similar guidance

by JJames    2 Posts   
Posted on 4/23/2008 12:39 PM    
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Tags: Catholic

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Answers for "Tired of thinking about this!"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)




Same issue going on here - 20 years, I'm 50 with two teens. If my experience is the norm - it will ony get worse. You simply CANNOT fix, repair, motivate another. Pray and defend yourself.
by WonderWhy   55 Posts
Posted on 8/16/2008 8:30 PM
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One thing in your post blares out to me - 

" always seems to put others (non-family) in a higher place of regard, care and attention"

actions like this are known to be indicators of people with depression and issues with self esteem. Helping others gives them a false sense of worth.

further, her lack of regard to the finances, also a sign of something deeper - a deep unwillingness to deal with any type of conflict.

 

You might want to consider marriage counseling, either private or through the church before considering separating. The actions she is taking are just a symptom of the real problem.

by spaznskitz   2442 Posts
Posted on 4/24/2008 2:48 AM
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I agree w/ Shep.  
I have 2 friends that are divorced Catholics.  I know they have struggled with their religion and how divorce is viewed in it, but, I gotta say it, they seem happier now - they were in marriages that werent happy ones, and now they are not.....
I am not a Catholic - I am a Christian, but my church is a bit looser on divorce.  But my religion is important to me.  We have to make our own decisions in life.  Some will disagree with you, some will agree, but the decision is yours alone...
by oct15   174 Posts
Posted on 4/23/2008 9:41 PM
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Wow, James, I must reply to this cry for help!  Life on earth is pretty short.  Your feelings of guilt are holding you back from making a better life for yourself.  You can make peace with God without all the unneccesary guilt!  You need to get out of this mess NOW!  You will be such an improved person if you get away from her.  Get some legal advice and get on with your life.  I am in the middle of my second divorce, so I don't have a great record, but I refuse to feel guilty for wanting to be happy.  All the best, Shep
by Shep   1 Post
Posted on 4/23/2008 2:06 PM
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