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   Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

Need Advice on Staying or Going

My wife, with whom I have been married for 13 years, recently told me that she is not sure why she married me and is not sure she loves me anymore. We have 2 kids (10 and 7) and own a home. She is seeing (not regularly) a christian based counselor as am I (not regulary, some one). I have been patient while she tries to find herself (several personal issues before we met) but I am wondering now if I feel the same in trying to save the marriage? I don't get a sense that she is willing to work to save the marriage and the family, how long should I continue to wait for a revised committment to our marriage? I really want this marriage to work, not just for us but I want the kids to continue to trive in a family enviroment. I love my wife with all my heart and soul but I want her to have peace in her heart and mind as well. Will I ever feel the same way for her the way I used to if she decides to stay? Can time really heal wounds that are so close to the heart? She is bordering on her 40th birthday, could she be experiencing a mid life crisis and wanting to start all over?
by DevotedDad    19 Posts   
Posted on 4/21/2008 8:14 PM    
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Tags: Divorce , marriage , time ,
trust , committment , mid life crisis


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Answers for "Need Advice on Staying or Going"  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)
Can time really heal wounds that are so close to the heart? She is bordering on her 40th birthday, could she be experiencing a mid life crisis and wanting to start all over?

There is so much truth to what you say here. I blame a lot of my wifes feelings on her turning 40 and a crisis as well.  Unfortunately in my case my wife had someone close by to take advantage of her weaknesses and make her think she will feel happy again with him.  Make sure this has not happened to you. How do you deal with "its not you, its me" What the hell does that mean anyway I asked her. Its something she cannot explain. I too hope that time will heal the part of my heart that she has deadened. It will never be the same and I have accepted that and am willing to make the needed adjustments. But the thread is slowly breaking and I am not sure how much more I will actually take. Good luck and Godspeed to your healing my friend.

John
by wacker   7 Posts
Posted on 4/23/2008 10:41 AM
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I am also turning 40 in two months and have been married for almost 14 years with two kids.  I think women do evaluate their lives at this point.  I am on the opposite end.  I am thinking of divorcing because I want more out of life.  He travels a lot and I am lonely.  I think people grow apart sometimes.
by nanster   41 Posts
Posted on 4/23/2008 8:25 AM
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Don't stay together because of the kids. They are old enough to begin to understand. You should try to go to counseling together. In that environment you can ask the tough questions of her and yourself. Good luck and follow your heart.
by lizzi08   10 Posts
Posted on 4/22/2008 8:18 AM
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totally understandable. No one likes limbo unless it is dancing under a pole on the beach in Hawaii and you are sipping maitais making a fool out of yourself.

If she does choose divorce, one minor comfort to you would have to be that the saying "it's not you, it's me" really applies when it comes to her.

 

When was the last time you left the kids with someone and had a weekend alone? Sometimes it isn't that they don't love you, they just aren't loving life - especially when it gets mundane and predictable.

by spaznskitz   2584 Posts
Posted on 4/22/2008 1:33 AM
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spaznskitz,

Thanks for the feedback, I spoke to my wife tonight and suggested that we go to counseling together. I'm still hopeful that our situation will work, with both of us giving 100% effort to make it. I am also very weary of waiting and seeing what happens. The way the conversation went tonight, I get a strong sense that she is going to tell me that she is leaving me when we are with the counselor so that she has some additional support. I hate feeling this way...
by DevotedDad   19 Posts
Posted on 4/22/2008 1:09 AM
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