So confused and depressed right now

i think u should move on..you love your husband but ur not in love so theres no point in being in the relationship. you'll feel bad about the affairs you have but only for a moment then itll go away and u'll do it again..im not putting u down or anything because i also am going through the same thing..it took me 2 years to realize that i would never be faithful to my husband again so i might as well leave him. i kno its hard to hurt someone especially if hes a good man but eventually u'll have to do. i thought that i could be with my husband and have someone else in the side but its not that easy..i am having an affair at this very moment and as much as i thought it would work it didnt because the guy ended up fallin in love with me and i with him and now im stuck..i dont kno how to tell my husband that i wanna move out and be with him. dont get me wrong ive been separated from my hubby for 10 months now but we still live in the same apt because of the kids but its still hard especially because he still has hope that one day we'll be together again. i hate being in the predicament its so difficult but i gotta deal with it just like u. dont wait too long cuz the more u wait the harder itll be.  good luck!

Hop you had a nice weekend. As far as my affairs, my first one started within 2.5 years of my marriage, and both of them started with a sort of a friendship – joking around and bantering with them – and then the conversation got more flirty, until we were finally together. The first affair just sort of fizzled out, and I still see the guy around, but there is nothing I feel for him. The other one I feel an attachment for. He ended the affair because he felt bad for doing what he was doing as the “other man” to my husband. This man is separated from his wife, who 10 years ago had cheated on him, so he, I guess, got a last minute change of conscience. He has said that we could start seeing each other again though if I decide to end my marriage. That isn’t the main reason I am considering leaving it though, and I have made sure of that. I feel like something has been broken in mine and my husband’s relationship for awhile, in order for these things to happen. I am looking forward to being able to speak with a counselor tomorrow though, as I need a professional opinion. I totally understand about your feeling of sweeping things under the rug – you never can really get to the bottom of the problem, and it gnaws away at you. I feel the exact same way about the waiting 5, 10 or 20 years from now, especially if you feel this way at such a young age. All I can suggest for you is to find someone to speak with, as they might be able to give you some insight that you never considered. I’m hoping for that for tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thank you so much for listening. It is nice to have someone to lean on a little when trying to decide my next step. How did you end it with the other guys? I feel so attached to this man that I dont want to hurt him. Our relationship started with friendship, then flirting, and then it became sexual. It is like dating again but it is more fulfilling to me than when I was dating my husband. The other man has told me that he can see a future with me and is constantly making plans as if I will be with him and that we will spend our lives together. I'm not sure how my husband would react if I told him I had an affair, even if it was ended. I would have to "sweep the secrets under the rug" and move on as if nothing ever happened. If I do that I think it will only add to the lack of connection between my husband and I. If I do tell him he would never trust me again (with good cause) and we are right back to the lack of connection. I need to find a way to go see a counselor. At times I feel like just running away and starting from scratch in a new town making new friends and making better decisions where I dont have to make these choices. I think if it were not for my son I would have done it by now. Part of me wants to fix our situation and make it work and the other part of me says that if it has become this bad this quick what will it be like in 5, 10, 30 years from now. I dont want to be with him if all I will ever feel is lonely and unappreciated. How soon into your marriage was the first affair? I am interested to see how your appointment with the marriage counselor goes. I think I would spend my whole session trying to defend my choices just because I know I have not made many good ones late.

Flower, I’m glad we can help each other out like this! I have those same fears about worrying that I would cheat again, but then I look at my situation and think that it isn’t that I’m a serial cheater, it’s that this relationship isn’t fulfilling to me. My husband is a good man and takes care of me, but I’m just not sure, especially with what I’ve done, if I want this life. The fact that you have a child makes things more complicated, but if you are putting yourself in a place where you can take care of yourself on your own, you’re luckier than a lot of other mothers in this same situation. I do want children and a family, but I’m so scared that if I decide to stay, and we follow that path, that I’ll be right back here 10 years later, but with 2 children. I actually scheduled a session yesterday with a marriage counselor and I’m going home to see my parents this weekend, so I can try and clear my head. My parents are of the opinion that I need to work on the marriage and effectively “sweep the secrets under the rug,” but they are from a different generation and that affects their opinion. I’m looking forward to getting an objective, unbiased opinion from the counselor. If you can, you should look into it too, because when you confide in friends and family, everyone’s got an opinion. And don’t worry, you don’t sound jumbled at all…these feelings are so confusing and it’s hard to make sense of them. As far as my affairs, I don’t feel attachment to the first man, but the second man has basically told me that if I decide to leave my relationship, then we can pick up where we left off. The catch? He is still married, although separated. He also has two children, and wouldn’t be able to flaunt a relationship when he is still technically married. It’s hard to not think about him, but I have removed him from the equation in terms of making my decision. Our relationship was purely sexual at first, but there were cues that it could progress into something else, but he felt awful for being the “other man” to my husband and e

I could see myself in a lasting relationship with the guy I am having the affair with. Was it that way in your first affair? One of my big fears of leaving my husband is that if I do get married again that I will just have another affair. Maybe I do need to see a professional. I want to be happy, but not at the cost of his happiness. I made promises to him that I had all intentions of keeping. I'm not sure what the final straw was, or even if there was one. Why do we have affairs? I know I don't need a man to make me happy, but it is sure is nice to be appriciated and treated like someone of value. I'm not sure if my husband would actually follow through with his threats or not. Right now my husband and I are at a cross road. He just got in the military and I have my degree in teaching. I am in a great position right now to get a job that will support me and I could afford to put my son in day care. Basically I don't need him right now and I am to the point that I don't want him right now. It is more of a he has done nothing right situation, than a he has done it all wrong situation. I'm sorry if this is jumbled, I'm not sure how to put this all in to words. You are the first person I have truely talked to about this.