mutual friends??

when my husband and i split up, i told our mutual friends that i didn't want them to feel like they had to choose between us and i meant it. but it turns out that it may have been too much to ask for one of them to stay friends with both of us. i have been close friends with him for three years (and knew him before my husband did), and during my stay/go angst he told me over and over that he would support me no matter what. but recently he has stopped answering or returning my calls and he is making other choices, in very public ways, that are hurtful to me and create awkward social situations. how do other people deal with the mutual friend issue?

by lrs 1 Post
Posted on 4/16/2008 9:07 AM

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Well, what happened in my case was that people who I thought were our mutual friends, turned out to be his friends. 14 years together, and everyone I knew who was in some way connected to him, have all cut me out of their lives. They all stopped answering their emails, texts, or even logging into their IM. And I just shrug it off.

Yes it hurts, and sometimes when I let the depression creep in and take over, it makes me feel so sad and worthless, because I start thinking to myself, I wasn't a bad friend. I've always been a good friend to people, sometimes going above and beyond what many people would do (ie, lend large amounts of money, have people live with you when they're broke, etc).

But you know what? If someone you thought was a friend drops you, just like that, because of your divorce, then you don't really need that person in your life. People seem to think that divorce is contagious or something. /shrug

I know it hurts because you thought that person was a great friend. But he's showing you his true colors, and in a way, is making your life easier. You don't need shady people like that in your life right now, especially since you're going through a rough period. You need people who care for you and respect you and love you and support you - this guy can't provide any of that for you, and he's making it easy for you to recognize that fact. Move on, hun, and cherish your true friends.

by misu 105 Posts
Posted on 4/17/2009 4:25 AM

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