Confused...

Hi, Let me introduce myself, I am new here. I am a 25yo woman who has been married now for 4 years (DH 27). I have a 3 1/2 yo daughter and a 6 month old son who are my world. My husband was a wonderful man when I met him, a romantic, hard working, strong man. Had a few beers here and there, nothing really bad, so I thought. He had all these things that he was hiding from me (drugs and drinking problem). Of course all of this came out AFTER we got married. We dated for a year and a half then married.
Here is my problem. I have been on the verge of leaving him now for the past 4-5 months. He has become an alcoholic, and drug user. I am fed up! I catch him all the time. The drugs come and go. But the drinking has stayed! He comes from a family of alcoholics. We fight all the time, he calls into work for no reason, steals the bill money, makes excuses to stay out all night and not come home, doesn't help at all with the kids, or house work. I don't know what to do. I need to get my kids away from this type of behavior. But I am not sure if I can make it on my own. I make good money, but not enough to pay for my car, house, and the rest of the bills. I just need some good advice. I have no one to talk to that can relate to me. I really do love him but its like all of this month after month I am starting to have more anger toward him instead of love. Can anyone help. Oh yeah we have tried counseling. He just got mad at me and said that I was making him look bad.

by JessicaM 3 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 8:39 AM

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Tags: drugs , lies , advice

Answers for "Confused..." (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

Hi

i think the checklists are pretty good - check em out...

http://www.divorce360.com/articles/357/deciding-should-you-stay-in-marriage.aspx

by oct15 175 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 2:22 PM

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if you're 100% sure about him doing drugs i would confront him today and let him know that you're concerned. divorce can lead people down a self destructive path that they may never recover from. ignoring or not addressing it because you need distance from him right now isn't the way to go. i've heard of people in similar situations where one party cut off contact with the other and hoped that the other person would address their issue and get help, but sadly some don't have the support network needed to make the right decision and needed someone close to talk to .

by triguyfl 31 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 2:20 PM

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Thanks,
We have tried AA and NA, each time he finds an excuse not to keep going. I truly do not think that he wants to stop. I always said that when I got married, I would never divorce. I said that I would stick through it. I have stuck thru it and now I have no more energy left. I am 100% that he is back on drugs... AGAIN. I can't handle coming home to a baby, toddler, making dinner, getting ready for bed / things for the next day, and then coach a drunken grown man to bed or have to fight with him because he is doing something crazy. (like trying to take his truck for a spin) I am too young to be going thru all of this. I have my whole life ahead of myslef as well as my kids. I could spend that energy and time with them. I am just scared. I know that I have the strength its just something is holding me back.

by JessicaM 3 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 2:07 PM

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i would really make sure that your claims you make about your soon to be ex are in fact true first, it could be really damanging for you both to make those kind of claims. you should consult with your attorney and file, then put in place a plan for you to protect yourself and kids future. i feel for you

by triguyfl 31 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 12:10 PM

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Welcome! sorry to hear your pain!

I believe alcoholism leads to a downward spiral of lies and deceit until there is nothing left to steal or lie about - many people can hide/conceal it for a while, but it always seems to come back. Without treatment, i believe it will only get worse.

if he wont seek counseling from AA or similar, i think you are starting to see where this is going.

Only you know what is best for you, but it sounds like you cant afford not to remove yourself from this situation. A friend left his wife in similar circumstances - it jolted her enough to get her into treatment......

by oct15 175 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 11:04 AM

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welcome to the group here. first off, i think you're right that you need to get your kids away from this situation. do you have any family or friends that you can live with while you try to figure this all out. are you 100% sure you want a divorce and that he won't go to counseling and AA meetings and stop drinking/drugs? if so, you can do this. it's not going to be easy and yes you wont be able to afford lots of things, but you can do it. you need to figure out a real budget..what can you afford, can you get a roommate to help with expenses? maybe another single mom? can you take on more hours at work? can you ask for some financial help from family or friends (just a loan to get you started?)?

by Vicki 854 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 11:00 AM

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Confused...