Search our site

divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

Community  :: Should I Stay or Should I Go  :: Answers

space
ad by divorce360
ADVERTISING PARTNERS
Answers
You can search for Answers by tag here:


Invite Others
Invite friends and family to join you on d360! - Click here

where do I start
Our checklists are a great place to start. Or, get a quick review of your state's divorce laws with our Legal Cheat Sheet.

Question

   Posted to group - Should I Stay or Should I Go    <<Previous    Next>>

PLEASE HELP ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

I am a stay @ home mom w/3 kids, 4, 2, & 9.5 mos. I have been w/my husband for about 5 yrs & married for almost 4.

Well lately he's been getting really cocky, & he never seems to have anything nice to say to me anymore.  Before we could never be apart & could talk about everything but now it's he never lets me talk to him about whatever & he's now beginning to become very demeaning.

We are both 24. Don't get me wrong, yes I do complain about stuff but I complain about things he can do easily, I'm not asking for him to give me the moon.

So this is what's been going on, he recently has called me stupid, the B**** word, annoying, trifling, he says F-U word to me, & he has raised his hand to me like he was going to hit me & he has never done that before. Honestly I am scared of him because when he gets mad I'm afraid that he will hit me & he is much stronger than I am & I can't defend him off.

I don't trust him alone with the kids because I know that he won't give them the attention that they deserve. He always yells at them, tells them that he's busy, never notices when they talk to him unless someone points it out to him.

So today I found out that he has been looking @ porn on our computer, & I, honestly, think that it is disrespectful to your spouse & very upsetting because it makes me feel like i'm not good enough. So when I told him that it is a respect issue for me he flicked me off & he's doesn't care. We haven't been intimated w/each other for well over 2 months. He doesn't care. If I ask if he has someone else he just laughs but he is very outgoing w/other females.

He always tells me that i'm running my mouth but all I do is talk to my mom about the fights & arguements that goes on.

He curses in front of the kids & he doesn't care. He doesn't want anything to do w/them.

He always makes me feel quilty about things like when I do the kids laundry he says that he will just have to wear dirty clothes because nobody wants to wash his clothes. He'll go hungry because I don't get up in the morning around 6 to make his lunch for him.

But anyway, like I said i'm a stay @ home mom & don't have a job so i don't have the money to get a divorce but I don't know what to do. He has his own bank account & doesn't like sharing his money w/his family. I'm not asking for money just advice. I don't want to lose my kids because they are the world to me.

I'm to the point that I literally hate him. I'm no longer in love w/him but will have love for him just because he is the father of my kids.
by mommieof3    1 Post   
Posted on 4/14/2008 11:37 PM    
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0

Tags:

read more from user >>

Answers for "PLEASE HELP ME, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)

You might want to consider that you are a victim of verbal abuse. Someone that loves you would never say that kind of stuff to each other. You need to seek guidance from someone. You have a ton of work and you are not getting paid for it. Don't belittle your job of "a stay at home Mom" that is very important.  Seek help from family and freinds.

good luck.

 
by lizzi08   7 Posts
Posted on 4/22/2008 8:30 AM
Log in to Add Friends
0



maybe deep down he thinks and feels like he's being unfairly taken advantage of.  maybe the mental torture being dealt to him by those vindicated by his demise has pushed him to far, maybe just maybe he wants to wake up and it all be a dream.  maybe he felt he deserved to be punished financially and mentally, but finally realized that nobody deserves to be delivered this type of attack, maybe he feels that you have enlisted others in your game that's being played out perfectly, maybe he thought he was imagining what you were doing, maybe he woke up when he found the truth, maybe he deserved to watch in realtime you emotionally attach to another, maybe he deserved that, maybe he let it kill him everyday and let it consume his time and energy to find the truth, maybe when he saw too much he felt you deserved it all, maybe watching it live was what he needed to learn and finally let you go, maybe he knows it probably too late, and maybe he's incredibly angry that another close in his life is being unfairly tortured, maybe he thinks you contacting her would be the cruelest self serving act, maybe just maybe he wants you to finally let go and stop all your games, maybe he thinks you really are crazy and out to get him, maybe he feels that you would like to have the tools to mentally manipulate him for the next several years, maybe he's fighting for his right to have a future life without your ability to control, maybe he's realized that he will never have that, maybe he's just finally realized that you've been served and your game cut short.  Maybe...
by triguyfl   31 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 3:16 AM
Log in to Add Friends
0



tough one to call, but wtf is his problem and why isn't he trying to talk to you about how he's really feeling.  Has he connected with his inner feelings, has he tryed to tell you how he felt.  maybe he pulled away but i bet deep down he's crying, lost and alone.  I wouldn't think that he was looking for a pity party, but maybe he really saw himself for the first time as he actually is, and treated you, and is disgusted with himself and feels that you deserve so much more, even though he still thinks he could be all those things, but has damaged so many and inside hates himself.  I wonder if he has qualities that used to be a draw but now are dead, maybe you've both changed and grown in different directions, maybe you've both realized that you need or want different things, maybe you're both in denial about it all, maybe he's scared to deal with the brevity and scope of what needs to be fixed, maybe he feels that he didn't try soon enough and watched helplessly as you drifted away, maybe he's hated himself for realizing how he never got to treat you and felt that he should push you away harder because you didn't deserve how he treated you, and he knew deep down that he didn't deserve an amazing women like you.  maybe he thinks too much but even so, he knows he's been a complete shit, and nobody deserves to be treated like that.  maybe he feels that the hardest decision is to let go, but that it's warranted, maybe he's realized that you've grown stronger and he's sad for how he is but  extremely happy and proud of you as he's watched in pain as you've transformed and took control of your life, maybe he longs to be able to reach out and talk and for you both to be the one's that you went to first, maybe he's destroyed and cannot move.
by triguyfl   31 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 2:07 AM
Log in to Add Friends
0



Because you have children its in their best interest that you and your husband try to communicate as civilly as possible.  No matter what you decide to do in the end I would suggest you get some kind of counseling.  Try to get him to go with you but even if he won't an experienced counselor can help you to sort through what to do that is best for you and your children. 

You can also  try just nicely asking your husband whats bothering him when he is demeaning towards you.  People tend to talk to others by the way they feel inside themselves.  And meeting him with empathy might be enough to disarm him and get a dialog going.
by loRez   2 Posts
Posted on 4/15/2008 1:43 AM
Log in to Add Friends
0





Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.

 
divorce Community::

popular blogs

Why Do Women Stay in Bad Marriages?
I never met a woman who didn’t readily admit that she stayed in a...read more 

Does Separation Mean Divorce?
Frequently, when we hear about separation, we think that...read more 

Our email correspondence
From her:   There are days when I wonder why we ever got married?...read more 

get/give answers

Just found out my wife had an affair
I just stumbled on this site when searching on how to tell the kids. Two weeks...Read Answers/share yours 

Please help me!!!!!
Ok, Im at the end of my rope. I have spent 18 years with this man, and it has...Read Answers/share yours 

I know he is having an emotional affair, but can't tell him.
Okay, this will sound ugly and nuts to most but also, please don't judge, this...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As