Should the New Spouse Get Involved with Parenting Issues?

A friend's teenage son has been having a lot of problems. He has gotten into some trouble including multiple suspensions from school and the therapist recommended a 6 week family program, like a bootcamp, but parents go with the kids to work on issues together. It's every Saturday. My friend wants to do it but her ex and his wife refuse. His wife, who my friend is actually quite friendly with for the most part, gave my friend a lecture about how hard her husband works and he shouldn't be asked to give up his Saturdays. They exchanged some choice words apparently. Part of me thinks that the new wife should stay out of it, on the other hand, friend's son is at their house a lot, so this impacts her too. Thoughts?

by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce 355 Posts
Posted on 4/12/2008 3:25 PM

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Tags: new wife , parenting

Answers for "Should the New Spouse Get Involved with Parenting Issues?" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

By all means help the child any way you can. Personally I don't think the new spouse should try to fill the parent role if it's avoidable at all (leave that to the parents), yet they should be supportive of the parents. As for the children , they should be a respected role model for the children. The new spouse should be careful not to overstep their boundaries and stick to established ground rules that all involved can agree upon. Good luck:)

by blee 96 Posts
Posted on 4/16/2008 11:49 PM

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Thanks for sharing your experience!

by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce 355 Posts
Posted on 4/14/2008 1:06 PM

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I raised a step daughter along with my own daughter. There were ups and downs but that is part of life. Even though I am divorced that is one thing my ex and I totally agreed on was doing whatever had to be done to help them become the best person possible. It was never your child, my child ever. The stepmother is going about this the wrong way. She should not only encourage her husband attend, she should also be a willing participant if she is asked and gracious if she is not.

The new stepmother doesn't appear to be handling this like a mature, loving partner. That would be a HUGE red flag for me.

by Linny 152 Posts
Posted on 4/14/2008 11:18 AM

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I kind of felt the same way, that if she would get involved at all, it would be to encourage her husband to be there for his son, not argue with her husband's ex about why he shouldn't have to go. I imagine that step parenting is a difficult tight rope to walk, though.

by GirlfriendsGuidetoDivorce 355 Posts
Posted on 4/14/2008 10:27 AM

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This is a tough situation. But if her husband wants to try and help his child, he ought to be able to do so. And she should respect that he's trying to do so. It's six weeks to invest in a child. That doesn't seem like too much for a parent. And as a former stepmom, I would certainly think that a spouse should be supportive of their partner's efforts to help their child, particularly when it involves time and love and attention, which it sounds like this child badly needs. I hope it works out.

by Flagirl 288 Posts
Posted on 4/12/2008 10:44 PM

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