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  Posted to group - What do i do now    <<Previous    Next>>

Feeling so sad...

I am sick of feeling sad, but I just can't turn my life and feelings in another direction.  My husband and I are getting a divorce.  He will not talk to me.. he walked out and has never discussed with me the divorce or why he wants it.  I was so happy in the marriage and thought he was too.  I am devistated and it is consuming me.  I am so envious when I read other peoples stories about how they have communication... I can't even pick up a self help book without being envious because EVERY story or advice is based on the couples talking about what went wrong and why they are getting divorced.  I have none of that.  I feel like I can not relate to anyone and they can not relate to me.  My husband and I didn't even have an arguement or fought on a regular basis.  If I could see a breakdown of the relationship I would be so much more prepared for all of this.  He made me feel loved every single day until he left... I haven't spoken or seen to him since then.  I don't feel like I will ever meet anyone else nor do I want to get to know someone.  Our relationship was close to "perfect" as you could get.  The day before he left he told me I was the love of his life. 

 

Most of my friends are married with children.  They do not have the time to be there for me and I also feel guilty about taking there time.  I feel very alone.  If I had more single people around me I would feel better.  I sit home all the time.

 

My question is how do I cope with all of this?


by hydrangea   14 Posts 
Posted on 4/5/2008 12:48 PM
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Answers for "Feeling so sad..."  (3) (You must be logged in to answer)




I really believe that we have to go through the whole grieving process. It is hard to think about being alone and I think about where I am going to be on weekends- alone.  I joined a new neighbors league, started networking and trying to keep up with taking care of ME.
Now here is some really good news for us!  Statistics show that when women get married, they are more apt to be unhappy.  When the go through the stages of divorce, women feel much happier, sexier and actually have better health. 
In time, you will look back and wonder what you saw in him.
by ACKJENNIFER   12 Posts
Posted on 4/6/2008 9:27 PM
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Thank you so much!  I am going to pick up that book as soon as I can.

My husband is also saying there is no one else.  But I am not a fool to think he wouldn't lie.  It has also been 2 months since he left.  He has even changed his cell phone and mailed the old one back to me.  I don't have his new number, I'm not even sure where he is living.  I literly have had no communication with him for 2 months.  And the thought of having to be in a court room with him is sickening to me.  I can't believe he will not even try to go to counciling or work on our marriage.  It's like I never mattered to him.  3 days after he left I recieved a letter from his attorney requesting a divorce.

 

I am just devistated... I want my life back, but most importantly I want him to regret what he did to me and that he left such a great, loving relationship.  But, chances are he will never have those feelings.

 

Thanks again for your response.  This website has been a wonderful resource to me.  I just hope someday I can be happy again.

by hydrangea   14 Posts
Posted on 4/5/2008 3:20 PM
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I feel for you.  It is like my husband turned into an entirely different person.  He walked through the door two months ago and said he was leaving & left no real clues.  I was certain we would be together forever and thought I was the love of his life.  He told me that so many times.   All of my friends were so jealous of our relationship.  My best friend cried when I told her & she said I remember thinking that I could just get a man to look at me like that I would be so happy.
Well - something changed inside my husband.  For whatever reason he decided to look else where to have his needs met.  I don't know if your husband is seeing someone else - but mine said nothing & it was only after he left that I learned of his infidelity.  He still denies they are anything but friends and he STILL will NOT talk to me about why he left.  He just states he was unhappy.  He will not talk on the phone unless he must and he now texts me - something he had never done.  It is an odd reality to be in.
So - how do you cope?  How long ago did this happen?  I thought for the 1st month I would die.  I had great support from my family and friends and found one good book to read - "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life"  by Susan Anderson.  There were a few parts a bit "out there" for me - but the stages of grief applied to divorce were so real and made me see how this journey is universal.  It did help. 

Every day I struggle to make sense of how he could leave our 27 year relationship & now after two months I have come to terms with the fact that he is not coming back.  Sadly we will divorce and I will have to find my own path.  I can say that some days are so much easier than they were.  And that is what I wish for you and for all of us going through this.
Share your story and maybe that will help you process these complicated emotions.
by Mb   266 Posts
Posted on 4/5/2008 2:13 PM
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