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   Posted to group - What do i do now    <<Previous    Next>>

How does one trust again?

Hi.

   I'm in the process of a divorce which I never wanted, but for my own sanity and emotional well being know this is what I must do.  I do not blame everything  on my spouse, I am not perfect by any means.  We have been married 7 yrs., together 10.  

   When we first met I confided to him how important honesty and faithfulness was to me in any committed relationship (for me it was a given).  He stated many times he felt the same.  

   The last 4-5 years have been filled with deceit, infidelity and near bankrupcy from his overspending.  

    I am attractive with a good career and usually very sensible, but in this marriage it was like I lost all control of my life and senses.  I put up with things I would have dreamed of.  At this time I am very upset with myself for not getting out sooner, I feel like a total fool.

   I am in counciling for help through this divorce and personal issues which need to be resolved.

   At some point in the future I hope to share my life with a man who shares the same values as myself, but am terrified to let myself trust again.  I question my own judgement.

   If you have had similar issues or advice it would be greatly appreciated.

   
    
by starr1    187 Posts   
Posted on 3/12/2008 11:53 PM    
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Answers for "How does one trust again?"  (11) (You must be logged in to answer)
Trust is one of those things that will be hard to get back, but through counselling and learning about yourself , you will find out why you became co dependent on his personality and how to set boundaries in your next relationship. Move slow and don't stop living...life is to short...remember, if you fall off the horse, get back on and ride like it's your last ride...K
by Flyby   23 Posts
Posted on 4/8/2008 12:04 AM
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It sounds to me like you are doing a great job getting through this time in your life. I know when the time is right you will find the right guy.

 

 
by RichBrewer   214 Posts
Posted on 3/19/2008 10:14 PM
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Thanks Rich.  I know I am not ready for a relationship yet, but I do hope that one day I will be.  In the meantime this site has been of great help and support for me. 

You are right ... I must work through past issues first...I'm trying!! 

Thanks again for the support, it is greatly appreciated.
by starr1   187 Posts
Posted on 3/19/2008 12:57 AM
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I read your story and I feel for you. I know you are doing the right thing though. You are taking control and taking care of yourself. I waited 20 years to get to this point. My relationship suffers from different problems but in a way very similar. It is time for you to do what's best for you and to move on. I've been told that you should not leave a marriage with the thought of finding someone new but to find happiyness within yourself. Once you do that everything else comes around. I am in therapy as well to make myself happy again. I figure time is burning so why waste any more of it being unhappy?

You sound like a very intelligent woman who will have no problems finding the right man but for now don't worry about that and concentrate on being happy and look forward to being single.
by RichBrewer   214 Posts
Posted on 3/18/2008 10:58 PM
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