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  Posted to group - What do i do now    <<Previous    Next>>

Adult children taking sides

My soon to be ex husband cheated on me for six months with a gal he worked with.  My 2 adult daughters refuse to speak to him now ......it's been six months since I filed for divorce.  Any advice on how to handle this??

by Ariel   3 Posts 
Posted on 1/19/2014 9:58 PM
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Answers for "Adult children taking sides"  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

I too have three adult children who are dealing with their Dad's infidelity.  I have always been the liaison between the kids and their dad.  Now they all have a lot of healing to do. My husband is finally putting some real effort into the kids.  They are hurt and angry, but I think it could be better in the end.  You are being a great role model for the kids as long as you can avoid bad mouthing their dad.  Always take the high road.  You'll have nothing to regret.
by janeann   15 Posts
Posted on 1/26/2014 4:34 PM

My ex husband betrayed our marriage after 25 years.I have 2 sons , who are 19 and 23.   Sadly they no longer have a relationship with their dad.  We had a close knit family (so I thought).  And the three of them were very close.It's killing me ! But their dad thinks time will bring them around. It's been two years !
by Tryin   1 Post
Posted on 1/23/2014 4:01 PM

Hindsight being 20/20, they should never have been told about the cheating.  I understand he ripped your family apart.  But I'm guessing there is another side of the story they don't know (this would be the part that you contributed). Right or wrong, the fact they know is water under the bridge.  However, you need to get them talking again.  How would your daughters feel if his car wreaked and he was killed.  They would be devastated.
by Wronged   91 Posts
Posted on 1/20/2014 2:53 PM

Let this play itself out as it will. You may have forgiven Dad, but they aren't there - they may never get there. 

Your girls are identifying with you as a woman as much as they are as Mom. It's not unusual for a cheater to be shunned by other self-respecting women, once he has demonstrated that he cheats. You done good with them, Mom.

You seem to have forgiven him - you may have known about all this before them, so you're ahead of them in processing this. There may have been other issues in your marriage that they are not - and should not - be aware of that you've processed. Give them time.

We're here for you.
by NotJulieG   3319 Posts
Posted on 1/20/2014 1:13 PM

Iam is correct.  It's up to him to try and repair this, not you.  I know it's tough because you've probably been the one to always smooth things over.  Well, no more.  You girls are adults and can make their own decisions about their relationship with their dad.
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 1/20/2014 8:40 AM

Don't get in the middle between your children and your stbx.  We try, as parents, all our lives to promote natural consequences.  Well, having a fling not only hurts the spouse, it hurts the children as well.  You daughters are adults and are giving your stbx a natural consequence to his behavior.  It is not up to you to make it right.  If he wants a relationship with his daughters, it will be up to him to actively work on repairing and restoring it.  

In the meantime, continue being their MOM and be there for them as you have in the past.  Even though they are adults, refrain from confiding in them or bad-mouthing your stbx.  They will still be hurt tremendously by the breakup up their family even if they are grown and out of the house.
by Iam   7316 Posts
Posted on 1/19/2014 10:45 PM

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