Should I find someone new before I go

It's a good thing that youare in counseling. Maybe you can figure out why you are so afraid to be alone. I think probably it is because you have beenwith someone for so long, that you don't know how to be alone. After I go through break ups I usually do the opposite, I spend alot of time alone, I go to the beach, hit the theme parks (I'm lucky to live in Central FL), watch sappy lifetime movies, go out with girlfriends, join meetup.com to meet new people and....... enjoy doing what I want, when I want, with whomever I want, without having to check in with anyone. I love NOT answering to anyone!!!!!   But that's just me.... everyone is different.  Hope it get easier for you.

Thanks islandgal. You are right; I will be a better partner for someone else when I know how to be happy with myself.  I find it odd I am terrified of being alone.  I don't know why that is.  I should probably figure that out.

I was the rebound girl once and it hurt like hell when he decided he wasn't over his ex..... 2 weeks after he had me move in with him he came to this revelation. I should have known better, but I acted with my heart, not my head and I got hurt. He needed time to figure out what makes him happy.... so do you. When you are happy within yourself than you will be a better person for someone else.

Is it really the grass is greener on the other side? What's the men's problem?

Paradox, I have the same feelings and similar situation; children, childsupport etc...In reading some of the responses, I pose another question. What about a "female friend" for support? Companionship, have a great time, excitment, hangouts, visits etc. Not necessarily a full blown relationship until emotional stablity. Any suggessions?

There are plenty of women out there who would want you. I am in a relationship with an older man, a thirteen year age difference. He has children, and a crazy ex wife.
 
But I agree with the consensus here.

Take some time to find yourself. To evaluate yourself and then you will be ready to welcome someone into your life with no regrets.

I agree with Bunnee.  Not to sound cliche, but you need to take some much-needed "you" time.

I have just started reading your posts and I have to tell you that I feel like I have so much in common with you! I have so many of the same questions that you have. I enjoy reading what you have to say because one of the things that I say ALL the time is exactly what you have said, "I want to share my love with someone that I really love, not am obligated to stay with." And really, what is wrong with that???? I kill myself w/ this question all the time because SO many people do it but.....we don't have to accept this right? And if we don't accept it, will we be worse off in the end than just staying somewhere where we know we are not happy and fulfilled????

Thanks for the replies so far.  LauraWA I pray you're right, but I sure wonder who would be attracted to a 40+ man with 3 kids, child support,  and ex-wife, and alimony payments?  I don't want any more kids so I doubt a younger woman would be interested in me.  I am a pretty good looking guy and professionally successful, but the fear of being alone in a cold dark apartment is overwhelming.  I want to share my love with someone that I really love, not am obligated to stay with.

I don't think it is a good idea to get someone cause most men that get a divorce have someone already. If you get someone just not to be alone you may be regreting that later on. The most wise move as I see it would be to work in your own issues first and then get a clear idea on what you want in your next partner and then look for that special someone... but don't rush into anything just because statistics say that...

Yes - stewing a bit on what worked & what didnt can only help you next time, IMO. 

Believe me... as evidenced here on this site and all around me in the non-virtual world, there are PLENTY of 40-something women who would love to be with a man such as yourself.  Do I think you need to find a woman now?  No.  Only when you are emotionally ready and when the right woman comes along.  I believe she will.

Bunnee is right,  I am surprised your counselor would even mention this to you.  You need to take some time for yourself.  You do not need someone else to be happy. 

I think jumping right back into a relationship right now could be a big mistake. Usually that first person  is just a rebound relationship and you would just be hurting someone else. Give yourself some time to heal. That's what friends are for. You don't have to have a romantic relationship right away.