Venting....

Just a vent!
My wife decides she no longer wants to be married to me, so she wakes me on a Saturday to tell me we need to talk. She took off work the day before and retained an attorney and has filed for divorce. Since then I hear from our friends that she keeps asking about where I am, what I been doing, and if I am doing ok??!! We do not talk, only Text message here and there. She tells people she hopes we can be friends.
So I think, well if I cant have her as a wife at least I can still have her in my life. How in the HECK is this supposed to work?
So I get a phone call from some friends of mine, wanting me to come out and drink a beer with them. Now I knew before I left, she might just be at this same little hole in the wall, since it was "our" little hang out. But I am assured she is not there and so what if she is, just get my butt up there and drink some beer with my friends. Now I have been invited before and I declined the invite, just because I knew she could or would possibly be there. So I agree! How stupid was that of me? Well, I will tell you, She was not there when i arrived, but shortly later she walks in. She does not come in and go about her own business, instead, she walks in, looks straight at me, and walks all the way over to me and wraps her arms around me and gives me a hug, and wants to know just how i'm doing? Now if I had it in me to be the same way she has been towards me with the lawyers and such, Yeah there is more im leaving out of this story, but if i had acted like she has, I probably should have asked her to please pull the knife out of my back she left! She quickly departs the area I am in, only to sit across the way and continuously stare at me. I know because I was watching her watch me. Yes I know, how pathetic. So today the text messages start again, and she decides to tell me herself this time, that she hopes we can be friends, and she loves me, but... just not the same way anymore. and that she knows I probably didn't want to hear that, and that she just does not know what I expect her to say.
I think I am the one with a loss of words to her, she seems to have plenty to say to meand about me. ANYWAYS.......like I said, just a vent, buty please feel free to comment!

by Shawn210 64 Posts
Posted on 3/4/2008 3:31 PM

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Tags: vent , confused , angry , sad , lost

Answers for "Venting...." (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

Wow, I thought I was the only one having this problem, my soon to be ex (seperated 2 months) still calls me all the time to talk or to see how I'm doing. Wishing me Happy Easter and all. It's really upsetting since he was the one who left. He just said he doesn't love me anymore after he moves me away from my friends and family to another state with a new mortgage. It's making me angry and he has me paranoid as anything. I always feel like he watching me with everything, he says he's not but I don't know. We've been married almost 12 years with two beautiful children. The people I do know here think he has a thing with a friend of ours who also moved here 8 months after I did. And now that we're seperated he spends alot of time over there with her and her hubby (who she wants to divorce too, but no money to start the process) I don't care if he does or doesn't but I wish he would leave me alone and let me find my own friends but if my friends are male I can imagine what that will look like when we go to court. I hope you have better luck then what I have.
Kayla

by simmons 3 Posts
Posted on 3/24/2008 10:45 PM

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WOW you guys good advise,I was married 12 years,two kids 8-10.I worked to hard to make ends meet 2 jobs,to much stress and I snaped.All the yelling and screaming I did that day I scared everybody.She got a restraining order on me for two weeks then went back to court then she got another for a year.I cant see her the house and the kids.Well i go to court next week for the divorce and hope to get rights to see the children.I still love my wife + kids i miss them deerly.Enough of me.I dont what is worse having a spouse contacting you ,calling you txt you,or not have seen or hurd from them so far for 4 months.The way i look at it ,if it werent for the kids i would make a clean break.Once you split and have no children time to move on pull the straps up from you boots.I would not hang around were she does and stop the txt.This is your new life.Time will heal.

by steveo 218 Posts
Posted on 3/6/2008 7:14 PM

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Shawn, I am going to give you some perspective from the "other side" of things. I was the one who left and although we do have children together I stay in contact with my ex. I don't go around hugging him quite yet but hey. Maybe, just maybe (this may not be at all true) but maybe, she is actually concerned for you. I know that I worry about my ex and I want desperately for him to be happy (just not with me). Perhaps it's hard to believe that those of us who did the leaving don't always do it because we hate the other person. Sometimes I guess that's true but not always. If her behavior is making it harder on you try telling her that. If she's doing it out of genuine concern she will change her approach.

by itmustbeme 422 Posts
Posted on 3/6/2008 2:02 PM

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Shawn,

My ex tried the same BS with me. It's a power trip if you ask me. She doesn't want you other than to keep that hook in you in case she gets lonely. They only reason they want to be friends with us is because they have a need to sugarcoat what they have done and if they can tell everyone, 'see hey we are still friends' then it lessens what was done.

A tiny disgression here....Laura...I felt like I was reading my own story when I read yours. Eerily familiar situations. He left to be with her, but would call me all hours of the night if they fought or he was feeling confused. I finally after much heartache stopped picking up the phone. I had to toughen up and sometimes turn the phone off. It will get better.

But no...I can't be friends with him. Maybe in five years when he is miserable and alone lying on a cold floor in the fetal position...I'll be able to but not any time soon.

It just shows how selfish they are.

They want to leave, but expect us to forgive and be their friend.

Basically have their cake and eat it too.

by krislyn 102 Posts
Posted on 3/5/2008 8:53 PM

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I was married for 25 years (very young) and have been divorced for a year. Thought I had the perfect marriage and discovered infidelity. Confronted and wife left. Got divorced. At divorce proceeding ex commented that "she believed we would end up together and spend the rest of our liives together". Since the holidays this year she has been contacting me and saying things like "there is always a chance we could get back together". She is still dating the same person that she was cheating with. the only way I know how to deal with a person this screwed up is to avoid them. We have 2 children and this makes complete avoidance impossible. Wish I knwe the answer.

by db 1 Post
Posted on 3/5/2008 12:29 PM

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Well, like I said, we do not talk to each other. All communication is done thru text messaging. Until a couple of days ago when she walked up to me and hugged me. She actually said something. And yeah she is a drama kinda gal, I am attached to her in many ways, but they are more the cuddle in bed, watching "our" television shows together, cooking dinner together, those kind of things. We do not have any children. So that scares me just knowing that she really can be gone out of my life forever, since there is nothing keeping us together. It seems to me that since she filed on me, she would want to cut all ties, but she is not doing that. The messages from friends, text messages from her, and going and picking up my boys(from a previous marriage- Yup Its divorce #2), and she calls my boys at least twice a week. And whats really the chances of us having a friendship? I don't see me going to dinner with her and her new boyfriends, I dont think I would care to even be in the same establishment with them. I agree we have to be strong, but what has made me strong all these years was the teammate I had in life, my wife. She is what has always kept me wanting to be strong.

by Shawn210 64 Posts
Posted on 3/5/2008 7:41 AM

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Shawn, I believe that this is the direction my ex-relationship is headed. We separated a month ago and he just moved out this past weekend. We were married 19 years, have 2 kids together, and have always been very co-dependent. I have mothered him forever and he took a lot of things for granted. He left because I called him out about his affairs and, although I knew they were happening, I didn't think he loved the new "other woman." I thought it was just the thrill of secret sex. He told me he didn't love me "like that" anymore and that he thought he might be in love with her. I believe she filled a loneliness he was feeling with me. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, though, I think he is using me to fill some loneliness he is feeling. Two nights in a row now he has called me late at night. First it was a silly question, then it was to say goodnight to me & the kids. I have realized that she is at work (they both work nights, but their days off are not the same anymore) and he is feeling the loneliness. The pain is so raw and I have such an attachment to him that I buy into it. I am hoping that I will grow stronger with time and that I will learn not to answer the phone. He wants to be "friends." I think I can be friendly, but not friends. It's not healthy for me on an emotional level. Anyway... sorry to hijack your post with my own venting. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and I think we all need to be strong. We deserve to be loved 100% and not just part-time.

by lauraWA 50 Posts
Posted on 3/4/2008 6:45 PM

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Shaun, i'm going though something of the same,
he told me he doesn't love me, but yet calls, wants me to come down for the nite (and i do) because i still love him. But i think they just don't want to let go, we are like a security blanket for them. we just need to break away but my faith makes it hard

by kaykay 3 Posts
Posted on 3/4/2008 4:52 PM

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Is this the way she is acting new in your relationship? I know a couple just like this...They are addicted to the back and forth of it all...The break up, the make up, all of it. The high drama. Maybe she is craving some drama?

by theresa 71 Posts
Posted on 3/4/2008 3:35 PM

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