She keeps spending

Hi:

I am trying to decide what to do. I have talked to her, she knows our situation but she seems unable to stop her spending.

We have lost two homes and sold another one... gone through more that $600,000 in four years... now we are broke...

I make about $60,000 a year and we need her contribution for the household... at least $30,000 a year... she doen't look for a job. She has four kids from previous marriages and I feel like I am just the money provider...

What should I do... is there anything else that may work? ... or as I suspect it is better to pack and leave...

Thanks in advance for your reply...

by Tato 417 Posts
Posted on 2/25/2008 1:29 PM

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Answers for "She keeps spending" (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

Hi, she seems like a "shopaholic"! and with no plans to stop. I'm sorry for you. I think that you should leave while the leaving is good, do it now before you get in any deeper!

by Minime 9 Posts
Posted on 3/7/2008 12:10 PM

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Thanks Nutjob for your imput. I will try to answer your questions here to the best of my understanding.

There is no child support whatsoever. One of the kids lives full time with us, another one full time with his dad and the younger ones spend about 50% of the time at each house (their dad's and ours)... so that way there is no child support paid...

Before I married her... she was actually able to make more money than the money I am doing now.

To be fair now she seems to start to realize that I am not happy at all... and she has started to look for a job. She has done that before... started and never got one... maybe now is the time.

I honestly think I treat her well and show her my affection everyday... although in all fairness ... it's been declining as time goes by and nothing seems to change. I am colder with her than what I used to be...

She says she wants to work on her issues... but they seem to be just words... I think in previous relationships she was using spending money as a replacement for love and affection... and that might still be in her mind that way...

The only thing I know... is, as you said... maybe there is nothing left.

Thanks again for your help.

by Tato 417 Posts
Posted on 2/29/2008 2:55 PM

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Sounds like you are a good man in a real mess. You have taken on her kids and she continues to abuse the relationship. Are you supporting her kids, or does that support come from child support. She should be willing to look for a job. Do you treat her well, show her lots of love? Is she crying out for your attention, or does she just have serious issues? If she has issues and won't work on them, you can only work on yourself. I would make sure you are everything a husband should be. If you are confident of that, and she still won't contribute, then maybe nothing left.

by nutjob 7 Posts
Posted on 2/27/2008 8:58 PM

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Just wanted to add... that she is perfectly able to get a $30,000 a year job and yes... I have taken away her credit cards. In fact she needs to file for banckruptcy cause there is about $25,000 unpaid Credit Card Debt... we are 43 and 42 year old...

by Tato 417 Posts
Posted on 2/26/2008 5:14 PM

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Thanks Barkley and Linny for your replies. I find both really helpful.

She is not seeking help. She would say it is both our fault ... and maybe it is for not confronting her before... but I am not the one that spent all of it.

I think I still love her... but I am at the point now that despite love... this is an unbereable situation... the kids are 10,13, 16 and 19... so no reason here regarding day care... she could work at least part-time and maybe try to get some extra education in the afternons after she picks up the kids from school. I don't think it is much to ask for.

Thanks again

by Tato 417 Posts
Posted on 2/26/2008 4:54 PM

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She needs to seek counseling for her spending habit. This is ruining your marriage and family. She needs to take responbility for herself. Do you still love her after all she has put you through?

by Barkley 912 Posts
Posted on 2/25/2008 8:40 PM

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Wow! That is tough to respond to. It appears to me you still love her which is commendable. I think your income is in the comfortable level for what I would consider normal couples. You say she has 4 children from a previous marriage. How old are they? Would it justify her working after paying day care? Does she have the skills to get a $30,000 a year job? Have you taken away her credit cards?

Personally, if it were me and the only thing tying me to that person was being broke, I would have to say see you later. I am sorry, but over 1/2 million dollars spent and you have nothing to show but being broke and a wife who is making no attempt to help you clean up this mess if it is even possible is insurmountable to me. I would cut my losses and hit the highway.

Good Luck. You are gonna need it.

by Linny 152 Posts
Posted on 2/25/2008 1:36 PM

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